Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bitchelle of Mercy
By Gustave | Season 3 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.05.2004
Back in Palmerville, Brother Palmer is brought up to speed on the new supervillain and how he knows Kiefer but Kiefer doesn't know him. "Did he give Kiefer any indication of what he wants?" asks Brother Palmer. "No," says Palmer. "But he controls enough of the V-I-R-U-S to wipe out a significant portion of this country's population. So whatever he wants? We don't have much choice but to give it to him."
Back at Inn Fection, as the last remaining lobby rioters are waiting for the elevators back to their rooms, Bitchelle orders Gay Matt to double check that all of the exits are sealed off. "You don't have to keep me busy," says Gay Matt. "I'm not going to panic." Like Bitchelle doesn't have enough on her mind -- her own forthcoming death, a hotel full of panicking contagious guests, et cetera -- that she'd have time and empathy left over to worry about Gay Matt's emotional state, to the point where she'd assign him a series of useless chores. Bitchelle assures him that she knows he's not going to panic, and thanks him for all the fine work he's done for her and her team. "Is everyone in this hotel going to die?" asks Gay Matt, not making eye contact with her. "A few will be immune to the V-I-R-U-S," says Bitchelle, breaking it to him gently. "But most of us..." Her phone rings. It's Soul Patch. Bitchelle gives him an update on the guests' current non-panicky state. But there are potential problems. "Things got crazy," says Bitchelle. "I had to shoot a man." Soul Patch assures her that she did what she had to do and urges her to stay focused. Next he asks her to ask Alvers to describe the new supervillain. "I'm on it," says Bitchelle, heading for the basement. She exits, and another team of Hazmaticians arrives in front of Inn Fection. It's Dr. Nicole and Health Services. And it's about friggin' time.
Meanwhile, down in the morgue...I mean, "the basement of Inn Fection," Alvers, still chained to that pipe, has to wipe his nose with his forearm. Why? Because he is starting to bleed. Bitchelle enters and clack clack clacks toward him. "I'm bleeding!" he shrieks. "You don't look that bad," says Bitchelle, nonplussed. He reminds her of the deal they made for Bitchelle to kill him as soon as he exhibited symptoms. "You haven't told us everything you know yet," says Bitchelle opening up her laptop. She asks him for the name of the new supervillain. He claims not to know. When she rolls her eyes, he assures her that he is dying and has nothing to gain by lying. Hey, that rhymed. Bitchelle calls Soul Patch on her cell phone and puts the receiver to Alvers's mouth. "I want a description," she says. Alvers describes the new supervillain as "mid-thirties, Caucasian, about 6'1", black hair, brown eyes, no facial hair and speaks with a British accent." To which I would have added, "is really gay-acting." Back at CTU, Potato Face enters these characteristics and cross-references them with Kiefer's kontact file. In seconds they have a file full of profiles of Kiefer's former contacts who match that physical description. They upload them to Bitchelle's laptop, and Bitchelle shows them to Alvers. And it's one of those fancy laptops where she has to tap on the monitor with a pen in order to advance the photos. They go through a couple dozen photos; none of them are of the new Supervillain. Bitchelle suggests they widen the search. "The accent might be a mislead," she says. "He might not even be British." That I could believe. Frankly, Sahhhhn-ders's accent sounds to me like that of someone from Illinois who spent his junior year abroad at RADA.