Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Revenge Of The Big Gay Done One (Part The Second)
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 23 | Aired on 05.10.2003
Not.
Piper gripes that she's got everything under control, then proves this assertion by screaming. Hurricane-force winds rip through the parlor, flinging the various himbo love slaves into a sweaty pile of gym-toned manflesh by the front door. That might sound more appealing than it actually plays out on screen. You have to remember, I've been recapping this finale for a good fourteen hours by now.
Once the himbos have fled the Manor, Piper orders her addle-brained, dimwitted sisters to get a grip. She lectures that they were granted their enhanced powers to defeat Bogtrotter and Bitch Tits, not to "form armies or love cults." Big Gay Chris backs Mom up by pointedly reminding Aphrophoebe and Rathena that the original gods allowed their powers to turn them into "petty, evil, [and] vindictive" creatures. Rathena responds by quoting Tacitus. Aphrophoebe tries to top that with something from Captain and Tennille, with the expected amount of success. Fortunately, the Dolt picks this moment to ring their collective bell. Piper, outraged, shrills, "[The Dolt] can't jingle!" He can now, doll, Big Gay Chris states for me. The Dolt's warning them that one of the remaining ever-useless Elders is in danger. "It's time to face [Bogtrotter and Bitch Tits]," Chris concludes.
Over in Munchkinland, Mike the C.S.I. leprechaun bravely guards the imperiled Elder. Shit. It's pissy, punk-ass Tom Cruise. Let him fry, Mike. He's so not worth it. Unfortunately, Mike doesn't listen to me, choosing instead to open up one of those rainbows to whisk Punk-Ass Tom Cruise far, far away. Bitch Tits hurls a jet of flame at the vanishing pair of midget and punk-ass, scorching the midget to that great little people convention in the sky while flipping the punk-ass halfway across the clearing. The Glamorous Goddesses variously whirl, swirl, and bolt in to protect the odious Cruise-alike. "Who are you?" asks Bitch Tits. "The Supremes," Rathena snaps back before attempting to spork him with her trident. Bitch Tits shrugs off the blow, then he and Bogtrotter smack the gals up with a jet of flame and a few lightning bolts, respectively. The Glamorous Goddesses toss out some sort of glimmering shield that protects them long enough for an anonymous force to orb them away from Munchkinland with Punk-Ass Tom Cruise. Bitch Tits glares until he's overwhelmed by the onrushing commercial break.