Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Revenge Of The Big Gay Done One (Part The Second)
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 23 | Aired on 05.10.2003
The Dolt lopes in to offer his congratulations, and then suggests that the Glamorous Goddesses are now ready to return The Mythological Mojo back to its alabaster urn. Piper shoots him this glorious "bite my ass, dicksmack," glare, and swirls out of there. Phoebe and Raige avert their eyes as the Dolt grimaces all the way into the commercial break.
Manor parlor. The Dolt sucks the goddessy goodness out of Raige and places it all in the urn. Raige, delighted that she's rid herself of her elevated powers, joins the already de-goddessed Feebs on the sofa to scry for Piper. The Dolt's all, "Well, call me when you find her," and he orbs on out of there. Irked at the Dolt's decidedly un-Dolt-like callousness as far as Piper's imperiled humanity is concerned, Phoebe and Raige demand that Big Gay Chris level with them: Is the Dolt a goddamned Elder or not? "He's on the path," Chris grins, with a somewhat sarcastically reverent tone coloring his voice. "Don't give us that creepy pod-people smile," Phoebe snarls. "In your world, being an Elder may be cool, but in our world, it pretty much sucks." I feel absolutely filthy for saying this, but preach it, Phoebe. Just as the gals work themselves into a lather, the raging thunderstorm outside sends a small tree through the parlor's front window. Raige puts storm-tossed tree and deadbeat husband together, and realizes that Piper's trying to drown San Francisco. Well, you know, if you're a goddess and you have absolutely nothing better to do, drowning San Francisco might seem like a fun way to spend an evening. Especially if Judd Winick still lives there. Whoa. Where the hell did that come from? Anyway, Phoebe and Raige bang their heads together and decide that, were they to set about destroying an entire city, they'd probably head to the highest point possible to enjoy the show.
The highest point possible appears to be in front of a green screen, for that's where Phoebe and Raige find Piper. As effects technicians frantically plug stock footage of a stormy Bay Area into the background, Piper stands in a torrent of soundstage rain, directing the occasional "thunderbolt" at "the Transamerica Pyramid." Phoebe and Raige orb in beneath an enormous golf umbrella and beg Piper to return to the Manor. The Woefully Neglected Done One needs her! Doesn't she understand that? Piper stares silently at them, then swirls from the rainswept hilltop set…