Episode Report Card Niki: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Sixty-Minute Miracle
By Niki | Season 3 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.17.2002
"Didn't see that one coming. I did not," Soliloquy Sam tells us.
Sam wants to be sure he understands: Jamian really doesn't like Judy? "Not really," the kid says, emotionless. Sam asks why not. Jamian won't give him a reason, saying he just doesn't like her. He wipes his mouth on the towel and pads out. "Okay," Sam says softly. "Okay"? "Okay"? The kid says something totally mean, with no justification, about someone Sam allegedly loves, and all he can say is "okay"? What a wuss. Jamian trudges past Judy, who's drying the dishes. She calls out an eager "good night," and he barks one back at her. Sam finally emerges from the bathroom, which prompts Jamian to start whining that he doesn't want to go to bed, he wants to watch Letterman. (Nice plug, ABC.) Sam says Jamian's "had enough gamma rays for one day." Jamian whines that he's not tired, and that it's only eleven o'clock. I make a mental note to double up on the birth control from now on. Reluctantly, the kid slides under the covers, and Sam gently suggests that he try his "breathing thing." Jamian agrees, and they say good night.
Sam strolls over to the kitchen, where Judy's pouring two glasses of wine. She hands one to Sam, and flashes him her sugary, understanding smile. "I like him, Sam," she murmurs. She must have finished a bottle while Sam was tucking in the kid. Sam flatly says that he's glad. He gulps half his wine, and Judy asks what's wrong. Sam says he thinks Jamian may have some trouble falling asleep. Judy eagerly asks if Sam wants her to go. Sam tries to look reluctant, but readily agrees that she should scram. Judy slips on her jacket, asking if Sam knows what he and Jamian are doing the next day. Judy's voice seems to have stuck in the octave she'd previously reserved for Jamian. She asks whether she can call Sam in the morning. He says of course, and they say goodbye. I'd yell for Judy to run, but it wouldn't do any good. It's like she's been brainwashed or something. Sam takes another belt of wine and feels sorry for himself.
The next morning, there's trouble a-brewin' in the kitchen of Manning Manor. The kids wrestle and argue over the few remaining bites of cereal, as Rick tries to restore order. He heads to the bare cupboards, assuring the mob that there's more food to go around. Lily scoots past with a guilty "I'll go to the store." Because, clearly, everyone else is so weakened by hunger that they can't do a little grocery shopping their damn selves. Rick tries to calm the unruly mass by promising them french toast. Lily flatly informs him that there's no bread. She cops to it: "I'm bad." She tries to keep them at bay by saying that she's going to get bagels and then they'll have brunch. Grace whines that she can't wait that long, and then holds her arms out like a zombie, droning, "I need nourishment," in a really bad accent. The rest of them start doing the zombie thing, too, and it's one of the most embarrassing things I've ever witnessed on this show. I have no choice but to fast-forward through it. Anyway, the phone rings, and Lily grabs the cordless just before she reaches the laundry room and shuts the door on the rest of them. It's Judy calling. Lily says she thought Judy was supposed to be at the cabin. Judy bullshits that something came up, and tries to sound as though she's not bothered. She gives Lily the lowdown, and Lily helpfully replies, "Oh." She then invites Judy, Sam, and Jamian to brunch, since there's nothing in the world a little lox can't cure. Judy thanks her. "Bye," Lily replies. Rick comes into the laundry room with Lily and she asks if he has any money. He asks who was on the phone. Lily says she invited Judy and Sam and Jamian to brunch. "Oh," Rick says, sticking his nose in his wallet. Sensing that he's biting his tongue, she asks what he means. He says it can't be easy for the three of them, and that it must be a lot of pressure for Sam. "You think it's easy for Judy?" Lily demands. Rick says he doesn't; he just thinks it's a lot to ask. Lily defends Judy, saying that she's just "trying to forge a relationship with Sam and his son." Rick says he knows, but "these things take time." Lily says, "She's invested a lot in this man -- your friend." She suspects that Rick thinks Judy is pushing, but he quickly denies it. Rick wonders how this became about him. Lily wonders, too, and makes a mental note never to let that happen again. She says, "He said he wanted to build houses for her, did you know that?" Rick says he didn't, and proceeds to strip the statement of whatever romantic sentiments it may have contained: building a house requires plans and permits and bids from contractors. Lily tells him he's ridiculous and puts her hand out for some money, as if charging him for the diagnosis.