Episode Report Card Niki: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Sixty-Minute Miracle
By Niki | Season 3 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.17.2002
Cut to Sam's place, where the living, breathing, birth-control ad is whining yet again. This time it's because he wants to play Sega. Sam resolutely says no, saying that Jamian will be a zombie by the time Janine gets there. The two of them are seated on either side of Sam's huge drawing table, where Sam's working and Jamian is drawing pictures. Sam pulls out his new charcoals for the kid to try. "Dad? Are you going to marry Judy?" Jamian asks, since there's only about five minutes left to air. Sam looks thoughtful but avoids the kid's eyes and says he doesn't know. Jamian asks if Sam is going to have another kid. God help us all, Sam smiles and says he doesn't know that, either. Jamian asks, "So, is it possible that you and Mom might get back together?" Sam slowly shakes his head and looks Jamian right in the eye. "No," he says, matter-of-factly. Jamian pouts that he thought the three of them would always be together. "Yeah, I know. I did, too," Sam says. "Until I started slipping it to any woman who said yes," he thinks. But wait, I'm giving him too much credit for self-realization. Scratch that last bit. Jamian asks if he's just supposed to forget about it, or what.
Soliloquy Sam thinks it's a good question. Why the hell couldn't Sam have just said that?
Sam suggests that Jamian could put all his "emotions" and "thoughts" into his drawings. He tells the kid that his pictures are his world, and he can make it whatever he wants. "Won't Judy be mad?" he asks. "Not if it makes you happy," Sam says, and adds, "Of course, if you draw her being pulled apart by wolverines, you might want to run it past me first." They chuckle. "Dad? I don't not like Judy. I was just mad," Jamie confesses. The rising tide of piano coincides with the rising tide of my stomach bile. Seriously, they should rename the kid, because this is all just a little too Pat. Sam smiles and lies that he knew that, then thanks the brat for sharing.
Cut to Jake moseying up to Tiffany and the baby at the park. He nonchalantly says that he thought he'd find them there. Tiffany tries to contain her excitement, for fear of scaring him off. Jake asks whether the baby's warm enough. "I don't know. Why don't you ask her?" Tiffany suggests. Jake does. The camera cuts to the baby, who reminds me of Starfish Maggie when she's all bundled up on The Simpsons. The baby doesn't have a lot to say on the matter. Jake coos at Maddie, and then exclaims, "Oh god, is she beautiful!" Tiffany chuckles and says tentatively that his showing up is a nice surprise. Jake claims to have put Kenny in charge. "Tssst. You did not," Tiffany scoffs. Jake laughs. Tiffany says, "Look Jake. I don't want you to feel like we're this burden. The last thing I want is for us to be heavy in your life. I just want you to be happy when you see us, because I know how happy we are when you're around. That's it. I just want the feeling to be mutual." Jake looks at her knowingly, and asks, "Really? Is that all?" Tiffany says she just wants to know what things mean. "Like what?" Jake asks. "Like that you came here today, to be with us," she fishes. He says it means he wanted to spend the day with them. "Well, what about tomorrow?" she pushes. "Can't we just talk about today?" Jake sweats. She agrees, then adds, "For now." He stands up and gets behind the stroller, telling Tiffany to come on. He chuckles to himself like some crazy old man as he pushes the baby.