Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Die already
By Alex Richmond | Season 7 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.18.2003
Lucy takes her pregnancy test out of the bag, then tosses it back in and goes out to face her KevBot. He tells her that he talked to everyone about Xtina, and she knows she can talk to him, right? She turns out the light to go to sleep. "Sleep, Kevin." She frostily rebuffs his "advances." Kevin stares into the darkness, brooding, brooding. I hate this goddamn show. ["Right there with you." -- Sars]
CamPound. Kevin gets dressed. Simon bounds up the steps and says that Xtina is gone. Kevin says that he "certainly didn't tell her to leave," and that "you can't save people. You can only give people choices and opportunities. The rest is up to them." Simon listens angrily, and it looks like he's growing a tiny mullet. A wee, bitty mullet.
Annie sits on her bed, flipping through a photo album. All in all, a creepy tableaux. Ruthie comes in and says she's sorry for hurting her mom's feelings. Annie insists that what "happened" to Ruthie "is significant." Ruthie launches into her bit about having two older sisters and knowing the "books" and the "films" and not wanting the "traditional Camden family celebration that starts with the big dinner and ends with Dad buying feminine products. That's not who [Ruthie is]." No, Ruthie is a killjoy. She then says that "it is about Annie. So there has to be a compromise!" I love how Ruthie knows that getting her period is really about her mom. She is a Camden after all! So, what would make her mom happy? And not make Ruthie "barf"? Annie says, and I'm not kidding, that she wants to "go out for a celebration dinner." Ruthie rolls her eyes. But she does not barf. "A dinner where we do not discuss my womanhood?" Yup. And, barf.
Lucy sees Ruthie in the hallway. Ruthie asks twenty-six questions, all about her period. Lucy just nods. Yes, she knew. She knew that she was down. But would she love her if she was down, and out, gii-iirl. Lucy didn't blab about Ruthie's period or try to bombast her with big-sisterly advice "because [she] was trying to respect [Ruthie's] privacy." Aww. Then, Simon and Barry and SamVid come up, and what, does EVERYONE have to get all up in the girl's face? She's having her period, for god's sack! Barry congratulates her, and Ruthie says, "Here endeth the celebration of my womanhood." Except for the upcoming dinner. Lucy and Barry and SamVid all riff on the "they gwow up so faaast" thing. I have no barf left.
Chandler...Hampton calls Eric from Whitebread General. We have a Code Whisper! A Code Whisper with some heavy pausing! Do not get impatient! There's only six minutes left in the episode! Eric is stunned Chandler got on a plane all by himself to confront his dying dad. But Chandler's coming home tonight to say something to Roxanne, which, if he doesn't say, he "will go..." What, "kaboom"? Please say "kaboom." Or at least "blammo." Eric hangs up, pleased that his meddling helped another family through a crisis.