Episode Report Card Wing Chun: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Be Careful What You Wish For
By Wing Chun | Season 2 | Episode 16 | Aired on 03.02.1999
Back at the bar, some very untalented woman is eviscerating "Fever" on the stage, and Dawson and Andie are ordering another round. Clueless Pacey asks how many Cokes they're going to swill tonight, and neither Andie nor Dawson brings him up to speed on their beverages of the night. The woman wraps up "Fever," and an MC announces that it's open-mike night and invites anyone else to come up on stage. Unfortunately for my stomach lining, Andie suggests that she and Dawson should step up since they know a little something about the blues. No, actually, Dawson knows a lot about bitching, and nothing about music, but this doesn't deter them from drunkenly lurching onto the stage and utterly embarrassing themselves for four long, long, long verses which I will not dignify by transcribing here; the only noteworthy line of the song is when Dawson reveals that he's aware of the surprise party. Suffice it to say, it never should have happened in a just world, and I have blocked the memory of it, and if Dawson ever sings again, I will kill myself. ["Girl, GET in LINE." -- Sars]
So, in the aftermath of the singing debacle, Pacey tries to get Dawson and Andie out of the bar and over to the party, but they rebuff him; when he takes a swig of Andie's drink, he figures out why. The waitress returns to the table, Dawson tries to order another rum and Coke, but the waitress says she can't until she sees some ID. Andie drunkenly announces their age, tells the waitress she's broken the law, mentions that Pacey's dad is the sheriff, and blah blah blah fishcakes, Pacey hustles them out of there.
Back at the no-longer-surprise party, the Flash comes into the kitchen where Bride of Flash is puttering around. He tells her (as she pays him virtually no attention) he saw the car in the garage, and that it's "very beautiful. Quite a gift. Of course, I always thought Dawson's first car would be something like I had when I was a boy -- you know, some kind of jalopy or something. Of course it's your decision." "Jalopy"? Bride of Flash notes that a lot of things that came with this marriage are her decision these days, "except, of course, the decision about the marriage itself." Yeah, whatever.
Then we cut to the Explorer in the garage, which actually has a big red ribbon around it, like, cliché much? As the camera leans in closer to the car, a meaty little hand presses itself to the steamed-up window inside. Oh, sweet God in heaven, that hand belongs to Jen, as we see when the camera cuts to the Explorer's interior, where Jen and Ty are rather noisily making out. Way to sex up your ex-boyfriend's new car before he even gets to put his own ass in it. As Jen leans in, Ty pulls back again and says, "We have to stop. I can't do this." Jen more or less climbs off him and arranges her clothes with evident frustration. Ty says, "I'm sorry, Jen." Jen says, "You should be." Ty looks all wounded and says, "Well, this is not entirely my fault." Jen, thank God, demands, "Oh, really? What role am I playing in your personal inner struggle?" Ty yelps, "You're tempting me!" Jen glares at him disgustedly and rightly answers, "That's a load of crap!" Ty protests with all the vigour a milquetoast can muster: "I'm sorry Jen, but as attracted as I am to you, I don't believe in pre-marital sex, and no matter what you say or do, is [sic] not going to convince me that it's right!" Jen spits, "Who said anything about sex?" climbing over him and getting out of the car. Ty clambers after her trying pitifully to justify himself: "Jen, I just mean that it's perfectly clear that with your history, kissing isn't just kissing! It leads to other things!" With fire in her eyes, Jen laces up Grams's special ass-kicking shoes: "My 'history'?" Ty says, "Jen, we're types of people. And just as I'm likely to be found in church on Sunday..." Jen concludes, "I'm more of a Saturday night slut." Ty says, "I didn't say that!" Jen replies, "Then how come I have never felt more like one?" and stomps off. Yeah, that shut him up. Take that to church on Sunday, why doncha.