Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT "No Crimes, Real Peeps, Saddle Up"
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 10 | Aired on 12.04.2008
At dinner, Amanda regales the Euros with the story of Betty's motorcycle ride into the Player jell-o, and even Betty feels stronger and prettier and funnier when Amanda's telling the story. They all round-table about how "expensive" their champagne tastes, whatever that means, and Amanda flirts with one of them (Claudio), and finally Betty excuses herself so she can find a way to fuck this up for herself in private.
"I'm having a crisis!" she yells at Hilda, who knows better than most of us that Betty's crises are just like regular crises, except for how they never exist. "I've been drinking the most incredible champagne, and I can't enjoy it! All I'm thinking about is how much Claudio and Luka spent on it!" Hilda rolls up her sleeves and attempts to wade through Betty's BS, asking if the Euros are having fun -- yes -- and whether they're expecting some poon after dinner. "No, no, no. If they are, then they're gonna be disappointed. ...Well, at least one of them will." Way to simultaneously over- and underestimate Amanda, Suarez. "So these two guys with money take you out to a fabulous dinner, everybody's having a great time, and you're feeling guilty... Because?" Betty doesn't know, because Betty never knows why she is so dedicated to ruining everything cool.
"Betty, you deserve to have fun more than anybody I know. You spend every dime you make to live in the city, but you don't live in the city. Trust me, all your problems are gonna be there tomorrow." Like a snuggly blanket of depression. Betty promises to try and have fun... Which guarantees something horrible is going to happen. I can't really blame Betty for assuming any pleasure will ultimately lead to her shame and downfall, because she's been watching this show as long as we have and knows that it's empirical fact.
Luka and Claudio are gone when she gets back to the table, and Amanda's all, "They're making business calls, so I got another bottle, which they won't care about because they are, like, international financiers or something." Betty then makes the fatal mistake of saying that, although she was dubious about the shared assignment, she is turning out to be really enjoying herself, and thanks Amanda for making her life interesting, and they are totally happy and in love with their relationship for about two seconds, which is of course just long enough for it all to come crashing down. The waiter brings them the check and says, of course, that Claudio and Luka have ditched them with it. "And I never even saw it coming!" Amanda exclaims: "They're good." She's impressed.