Episode Report Card Sars: D | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Detention
By Sars | Season 1 | Episode 7 | Aired on 03.02.1998
In the locker room, Pacey rambles on about a girl doing the splits in the gymnasium or whatever, and Dawson asks for the umpteenth time what Pacey and Jen were laughing at earlier. Pacey grumbles, "Dude, you're fixated. Move on." Word. Dawson observes that, if Pacey won't tell him, then obviously "you were talkin' trash about me," and Pacey denies this, saying he doesn't talk trash, he recycles it. Har. Dee. Har. Har. Not. Dawson tries to flush him out by saying all nonchalantly that Jen already told him what she and Pacey said about him, and Pacey says, "No, she didn't," and Dawson says she did, and Pacey shrugs, "She did? Well, I guess that's cool -- I mean, 'Oompa Loompa' is not the worst nickname." Dawson stands up from tying his shoes and yells, "You told her people called me 'Oompa Loompa'?" Pacey doesn't see the big deal; Jen would have found out eventually, and besides, "she thought it was cute." Dawson's nostrils ripple in dismay as Pacey puts his hands on Dawson's shoulders and says patronizingly, "Dawson, you're not a little Oompa Loompa anymore. You're a big, bad, manly Oompa Loompa." Dawson poutily pushes Pacey off, and Pacey laughs at him and feints punches while teasing him, "Tough guy!" Dawson slams the door of his locker. Aw, buck up, little camper! Final score of conversation: Pacey 1, Dawson 0.
Health class. Long story short, Jen incites the ire of Mr. Pickering by arguing in favor of euthanasia. Jen mouths off. Mr. Pickering gives her detention.
A close-up of mystery meat, which fades out to Joey asking glumly for fishsticks. As the lunch lady passes Joey her plate, Grant and his friend barge into the line in front of Joey. Joey informs him, "Hey lumberjack, there's a line, and it starts back there." Grant ignores this and says, "Look who it is! You know, I dug your report, Joey -- I got a lot out of it. It was very -- stimulating," and he moves down the line, and Joey sarcastically says, "Yeah, well, you were a great help," and Grant says he especially liked it when Joey called him stupid: "I love it when chicks tease me -- it turns me on." He rubs his hands. Joey tees him high and lets him fly: "You know, Grant, this may come as a shock to you, but just because you're juiced up on steroids doesn't mean you can barge in line wherever you want -- you know, people have been waiting, and it's rude." Grant makes a big show of not knowing what she means: "You're kidding! Did -- did I butt in front of you?" Joey, not amused: "Yeah, you did!" Grant, still faking remorse: "Oh, guys, fellas, we just butt[ed] in line! God, I feel terrible, but -- you understand, don't you? It's kinda like your report." Joey: "Excuse me?" Grant indicates his jockstrap buddies and says, "We're like the shoguns, and this school -- it's like our castle." The guy behind Joey in line tries to hide a smile as Grant sums up, "Whatever we want, we get," and looks Joey over. Joey sneers, "Oh, really," and Grant pushes Joey's hair over her shoulder. Joey flinches away as he leers, "You can either be my servant, or my concubine. So what'll it be?" Joey smiles vengefully, punches Grant in the stones, slams her full tray into the face of the meathead standing next to Grant, and clocks Grant in the face. As he writhes on the ground and everyone in the cafeteria gasps, Joey snaps, "Neither." Now THAT'S what I call a positive role model. Final score of confrontation: Joey 2, Date-Raping Jockstrapping 'Roidheads 0.