Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Sisters And Bothers
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 16 | Aired on 03.04.2012
They grab his yearbook, with the caveat that usually he likes them younger. Sometimes eternally younger, like, "sparkly yellow-eyed mother figure to a coven of vegetarian vampires in the wilds of Washington state" younger.
CHAMBERS
Crozier: "Your Honor, it is somehow a desecration of Kara's memory to show her Facebook page in court!"
Alicia: "Caitlin. Act stupid. Go."
Caitlin: "Your Honor, I'm just a sweet little blonde idiot and I'm confused!"
Judge Josh Hamilton: "What is it, sweetie?"
Caitlin: "Well, with one finger in my dimple and the other twisting my hair, I just wanted to ask how on earth you could look at her Facebook Wall as anything other than a timeline establishing her mental state leading to her suicide?"
Judge: "Little lady, that's because there is no good reason. Nancy Crozier, stop being mean to this little girl!"
(A curl of black smoke rises from Nancy Crozier's head. It's so weird to see her lose her composure! It almost feels like we're losing her, my most favorite nemesis, now that Alicia's applying her homeopathic remedy, but I wouldn't worry: I've thought that same thing every time Colin Sweeney's shown up, and he's still kicking around.)
Alicia: "That was awesome. You can just drive this whole bus. Question the boyfriend to within an inch of his life."
Caitlin: "Man, that bitch hates me!"
Alicia: "Yeah, for real. That's usually the face I'm making when she pulls that shit. I don't envy her at all right now."
DEREK'S TESTIMONY
Derek -- who by the way has a face made for punching; he's just horrible -- was Kara's tutor and they started dating two weeks ago. Caitlin pulls a bunch of Nancy Crozier shit, asking Judge Serena how to go about doing some things and how it's her first day in court, and Nancy just about starts throwing stuff, it's awesome. Then -- just as Diane's coming in the back to watch -- a lightning bolt goes through Caitlin and she climbs right up onto the witness stand in his face like a gargoyle and reads him all these maudlin quotes from the Facebook page -- Ethan Frome, Kurt Cobain, the usual dreadful shit -- until he's about ready to admit he killed her his own self just to shut Caitlin up. It's gorgeous.
Crozier: "Are you seriously blaming Ethan Frome for her death?"
Caitlin: "Sounds about as retarded as blaming a YouTube video, doesn't it."
Crozier: "..."