Episode Report Card Sara M: F | 2 USERS: F YOU GRADE IT Songs In The Key Of Terrible
By Sara M | Season 9 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.13.2005
Kids are still making out in the halls of the Glenoak high school, and while, again, they should be less public with their activities, Ruthie should also not, like, stand a few inches away from them and watch. Vincent strolls up and wishes Ruthie a happy Valentine's Day, but when her answer is a scowl, he turns to leave. Ruthie slams her locker shut and yells at Vincent for not calling her. Vincent says she hasn't called him either. "I called you last!" says Ruthie. Vincent doesn't get it, and it turns out he's just as mad at Ruthie for not calling him as she is at him for not calling her. Whatever. Ruthie says that two can play at the jealous game, and grabs the arms of a passing dork-faced boy. Whatever jealous emotions she was trying to instill in Vincent are probably quickly defused when the dork-face turns to Ruthie and loudly says, "Do I know you?" Ha! Vincent and his upper lip shading scoff.
Annie leaves the "Glenoak Jewelers," like, what was she doing in there? What the hell kind of cake is she making those twins? Across the Promenade, Annie sees Simon and her twin making out on a bench. Annie makes an Angry Clownface as the Pianos of Watching Your Son Make Out With You play. Simon leaves Annie2 and walks into a bookstore. What kind of bookstore is it that Annie2 isn't invited to come inside? Does it perhaps have a gloryhole?
With a determined grimace, Annie walks over and takes a seat next to Annie2. "That was my son you were making out with. I'm Simon's mother," Annie spits, as if both of those sentences were needed. "I'm ONna" says Annie2. "Onna"? More like On-ya! Anyway, Annie asks Annie2 why she and Simon aren't at school right now. Annie2 says they didn't have class, so they decided to spend the afternoon in Glenoak. Annie2 also says that she and Simon met last night. "Simon's been dating quite a lot this year," Annie replies. If I were Annie2, right about now would be the time when I'd get up and either follow Simon into the bookstore or just run away. But not Annie2, she just says "oh." Annie says she wanted Annie2 to know that before she does something she "shouldn't." Shut up, Annie. Also, Annie2 might want to cool it with the making out. It looks like she's done so much lately that Simon sucked all the enamel off her teeth, leaving them grey and nasty. And then the music starts up, and Annie grabs Annie2's hand and gives her a "come over here" head cock. I hope they're going to the nearest DNA testing center, so that they can find out that Annie2 is Annie's long-lost daughter before Simon does something with his half-sister that he "shouldn't."
Annie and Annie2 stand up as Annie starts to sing "Have You Talked To The Man Upstairs" while she and Annie2 perform the sophisticated dance move of slowly walking in a circle. Then they take a seat on a planter. Why even stand up at all? Promenade people start to couple up and sway to the music. Pamie points out that there's one extra in the background who's watching all this with a hand on her neck and a cringe on her face, like she can't believe that she's witnessing something so horrible. Annie sings that Annie2 should "turn [her] eyes to Heaven," at which point Annie2 semi-obliges by rolling her eyes to Heaven. Meanwhile, a pizza guy and a lady wearing a floral apron and a straw hat with a giant-ass flower on it do a couple of shoulder-shimmies. An old lady wearing a flight attendant's uniform gets in on the action as well with her dancing partner, who kind of looks like Britney Spears's husband. No less than two interracial couples dance together, and then Annie sings her final note and the men dip their female partners. And then everyone just kind of stands there, in that pose, staring at the camera, as Annie tells Annie2 to "think about it. Think about what you're doing. Okay?" And then everyone returns to normal. Annie walks away without even saying goodbye. Annie2 is just like "what the hell is WITH this town?" Too bad her frozen face can't convey the appropriate confused expression.