Episode Report Card Sara M: F | 2 USERS: F YOU GRADE IT Songs In The Key Of Terrible
By Sara M | Season 9 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.13.2005
Now that there is absolutely no chance of getting stuck in a musical number, David Gallagher returns to the scene and takes a seat on the bench next to Annie2. "That was your mother?" Annie2 says. "'Fraid so," says Simon. Dude, he heard all that was going on out there and didn't come running out to scream at his mom for sabotaging his sex life? Although I guess if he did, RevCam would threaten to withhold his tuition money again. Annie2 asks Simon how many girlfriends he's had "this year." "Well, you're the first since January, I swear," says Simon. Annie2 asks him about the last twelve months. Simon says "a few," which would be right, wouldn't it? It's just Georgia and Asslee, right? So who cares?
Back from commercial, Annie2 and her denim-on-denim-on-denim outfit ask Simon if he always falls in love with every girl he meets. Simon says he sort of does. Annie2 recaps Simon's tumultuous love life of breakups and make-ups with Asslee and Georgia, then asks if Simon was going to marry Georgia if she really was pregnant. Simon says he thought he should. Annie2 suggests that they head back to school. "It's gonna be a long drive back," she says. I can't imagine why, what with her exciting self for company.
Baseball practice! Ruthie watches Martin and Mac perform hunky baseball maneuvers. Zoe's watching too, and her stupid waves and blown kisses distract Martin. Mac throws up his hands in exasperated confusion. I feel the same way; why is this Zoe girl throwing herself at Martin after he told her he never wanted to see her again? How pathetic. Vincent stops by, because I have a feeling that he often watches the studly men's baseball team practice. He takes a seat next to Ruthie and resists commenting on the fact that it is seemingly quite warm out, but she's wearing big winter boots and a scarf. Fashion sucks. Vincent tries to make conversation, but Ruthie responds with some negativity about flirting, using Martin and what I believe is the exact same shot of Zoe that we just saw as examples. Vincent says he likes "romance" and "flirting," pointing out that only a few weeks ago, he and Ruthie were doing some romantic flirting with each other. Except that, as I recall, it was more like Vincent had no idea that Ruthie existed, and Ruthie had her pseudo-brother ask him out for her.
Vincent apologizes for not calling Ruthie, and for walking around with a different girl in front of her. He says he was just trying to get her attention with the girl because it was Valentine's Day. He leans in to kiss Ruthie, but she pulls away. "Look," says Vince Charming, "I'm not perfect. But you're not perfect either." And then the music starts up and he jumps off the bleachers. He goes into "Accentuate the Positive" with the sort of performance you'd expect from a guy who played "Young Donny Osmond" in the Inside the Osmonds TV movie. He does the "running man shuffle" dance move backwards onto the baseball field. Instead of being angry at him for disrupting their practice, however, the team suddenly flies into choreographed jumping-jack-like dance moves. The entire team doesn't dance, mind you -- just the middle-aged trained dancer ringers they stuck in there. Vincent does a flying leap into the arms of the baseball players, and is so happy to be embraced by so many men's arms that he forgets to lip-sync. Then he's back on the field doing some weird rabbit-hop dance with the dancers, and there's a lot of unfortunate floppage going on in those baseball uniforms that isn't really appropriate for a family show. Mac and Martin run up and grab Vincent's legs and lift him high up into the air. When Vincent starts singing about "Jonah and the whale" and "Noah in the ark," an umpire guy runs up behind him and starts squirting a water bottle into the air. Wow. Then they put Vincent down and run away, only to come back for the big finale, where Vincent, sandwiched by Mac and Martin, and the rest of the dancers form a giant can-can line. Mac and Martin look suitably embarrassed, and I feel sorry for them. Vincent, however, has never looked more comfortable. Poor Ruthie; that's, like, her third gay boyfriend in a row.