Episode Report Card Erin: A+ | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT "Almost thirty hours" is more like it
By Erin | Season 1 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.11.2002
Writer Numero Uno: Dude. Let's put Syd in a scuba suit.Writer Numero Dos: Dude! That is a KILLER idea. But, like, how the hell do we do that? And pass the one-hitter, dude.
Writer Numero Uno: Don't spit all over it this time, man. Okay. How do we get her into the scuba suit…um…got it! We'll just put that stupid blank page at some remote site that's surrounded by water or something.
Writer Numero Dos: Dude, that is totally stupid. Where are the Cheetos?
Writer Numero Uno: Right. That's stupid. And the Alice in Wonderland Halloween costume was pure brilliance? Dude. You trotted out your Disney fetish for all to see and my scuba-suit plot contrivance is STUPID? Whatever, man.
Writer Numero Dos: Okay, fine, whatever. Go with the lame-oid scuba suit idea. Why you're not interested in doing a Matrix-inspired sex sequence is beyond me.
Writer Numero Uno: Dude? Drop the Trinity chalupa, okay? Enough.
Writer Numero Dos: Fine. You're gonna have to float this one past the big cheese, though. I'm not doing it.
Writer Numero Uno: No problem. Gimme the phone.
Writer Numero Dos: Dude. It's in the file cabinet under the Cool Ranch Doritos where it always is.
Writer Numero Uno: [Finds phone. Dials.]Yeah, J.J.? It's me. Whassup, dude? How's it hangin'?
J.J. Abrams: Dude. Why are you calling me? Shouldn't you be writing the final episode? I'm not paying you guys to sit around and get stoned and eat snack food, you know. That's what I pay MYSELF to do.
Writer Numero Uno: No, man. We're working on it. That's what we're calling about. Uh, is it cool if we make Syd put on a scuba suit and go after the other blank page at some remote location that's surrounded by water?
J.J. Abrams: Uh, I'm not so sure about that, dude. It doesn't really make sense for the page to be anywhere but at SD-6. Like, that's sort of --
Writer Numero Uno: Dude. SCUBA SUIT.
J.J. Abrams: Right. Good point. Go for it. And don't call me again until you're done, okay? Or at least until you're good and stoned and you can tell me that grandma stripper story again.
Writer Numero Uno: Right on, dude. Later!
I'll bet that if any of the damn Alias writers had a PS2, they'd come up with something that made a little bit more sense. Or they'd never write again because they'd be too interested in renting ICO from Blockbuster.
Anyway, back to the "plot." And yes, I do use the term loosely. Spy Daddy goes on to say that Syd can only access the security system with Sloane's voice ID and fingerprints. Just then, Syd's buzzer goes off. It's Captain Non-Courageous. Spy Daddy says something about Khasinau knowing about the safe house where Willage was being held, which means that there's still a CIA mole in operation. Therefore, coming clean to Vaughn about what she and Spy Daddy might be up to wouldn't be terribly prudent.