Episode Report Card Jessica: B+ | 5 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Pilot
By Jessica | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.27.2006
Anyway, the HR stooge who's watching Betty come his way is not thinking about fictionalized retellings of the lives of Henry VIII's wives, but rather about how he simply cannot hire a girl who looks like Betty. She's chattering about how she can give him a hard copy of her résumé, but he cuts her off and tells her that all their entry-level positions have been filled. It seems almost as though her unfortunate outfit has put him in a trance. "I'm sorry," he manages, and walks off. Betty -- because she's got moxie where her fashion sense should go -- chases after him, saying that, as long as she's got him there, maybe she could tell him a little bit about herself: "Magazines are my passion, ever since I was a kid, and I can't imagine a better place to start my career than Meade Publications." She says something else, but I can't remember what it is, because I am paying too much attention to how hideous her tweed handbag is. HR Stooge grabs Betty by the elbow, walks her back down the steps, and deposits her there. She turns around and follows him back up the stairs, explaining how Meade Publications publications have taught her all about, like, art, and political machinations in Darfur, and stuff. We pan up to Alan Dale (you may remember him as poor dead evil Cal on The O.C. It's nice to see him working. His presence on The O.C. was missed last season, almost as much as good writing was). He's watching from a balcony high above Betty, and I think her smarts may have just impressed him. The HR Stooge is not, however, so impressed, giving Betty a firm goodbye and pointedly slamming a door in her face, just as she's telling him that she types 100 words a minute. Betty looks dejected.
Cut to Salma Hayek, dressed as a maid, crying and wailing in Spanish, and waving a gun at some guy. The guy manages, in the space of about two seconds, both to disarm her and to make out with her. I don't need to tell you that he's also shirtless, do I? "I hate telenovelas. I want to watch FashionTV," says a small, totally gay boy, who we quickly learn is Betty's nephew, Justin. He turns from Salma, on the television, to his mother, in the dining room of a cozy, homey house. She tells him that he can watch FashionTV when Aunt Betty is babysitting. Because, it is implied, Mom actually really needs to find out what happens to Salma and the shirtless guy. As do I, frankly. "Come have some flan," she says. "I don't want flan. I'll get fat," he says, and I am in love with him already. His mother tells him he's a boy, and that it doesn't matter if he gets fat. Oh honey, you've clearly never been to West Hollywood. ["Or the sixty-three-year-old totally cut gay trainer at my gym." -- Wing Chun] Justin puts a flamboyant hand on his hip and rolls his eyes at Salma. His mother -- her name is Hilda, so let's just use it -- asks Betty whether she's ordered their father's birthday cake. "Of course," says Betty, coming into the dinning room. "Chocolate volcano. Same one I got last year." Everyone looks pleased, and Betty's father asks her about her interview. She hems and haws and lies that they were impressed. "You didn't get it," Hilda says, and Betty explains that they'd allegedly hired everyone they needed already. Each member of the Suarez family makes a disappointed face. Papa Suarez doesn't understand how such a smart, clever girl can be still unemployed. "Betty, have you thought about exploring other options?" Hilda asks pointedly. "Hilda, I am not going to sell Herbalux," Betty retorts. It is here that I notice that Hilda is wearing a giant Herbalux pin. "Well, I was not saying that. Necessarily," Hilda says, twirling her hand. That line was very well-delivered. Papa Suarez makes the obligatory speech about how this career is Betty's dream, but Hilda is bored. She waves her emery board in the air and says she heard that SOMEONE ELSE had some pretty big dreams too. She calls Justin into the dining room, and asks him to tell Betty what he overheard her boyfriend saying the other night. I believe Justin is Bedazzling a shirt, by the way. We're only like three minutes it, and I seriously could not love him more. Justin gossips that he overheard Walter talking on his cell phone, and saying, "She's the one." Everyone is all a-twitter about this, and Justin wants to know if Betty would marry Walter if he asked her. Betty stammers that they haven't talked about it yet. "Well, I think he's a catch," Hilda announces. "Flan?" Will someone please take this woman up on her flan already?