Episode Report Card Jessica: B+ | 5 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Pilot
By Jessica | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.27.2006
On cue, the doorbell rings, and Justin lets in a regular-looking dude bearing a television, which he gives to Betty. Apparently, the mute doesn't work, but other than that, the sound is awesome. And, presumably, loud. This is Walter. You've totally seen this actor before. He works all the time. I just saw him in the fine, fine film Little Black Book this weekend. I don't recommend Little Black Book, by the way, unless you're a fan of Brittany Murphy looking alarmingly underfed. Ron Livingston spends the entire time looking like he wanted to give her a sandwich. That said, Walter was decent in it. And now he wants to talk to Betty. Outside. In private. She seems both pleased and nervous, and follows him out to the stoop.
Romantic music swells as Walter and Betty go outside, but it's coming from Salma's telenovela, which Justin quickly changes to FashionTV.
It turns out that FashionTV is BRILLIANT. A sharply dressed man with a pronounced and possibly fake British accent is covering "the funeral services for Fey Sommers, the much loved -- AND HATED -- editor-in-chief of Mode magazine." Judging from FashionTV's stock footage, Fey is clearly Anna Wintour: same bob, same huge glasses, same love of fur. The chyron under the footage of Fey (who is covered in blood courtesy of a PETA ambush) reads: "Fey Sommers: 19??-2006." The Brit host dramatically explains that it was "the bitch-slap heard about the world when longtime Mode creative director Wilhelmina Slater [according to the FashionTV stock footage, Wilhelmina is played by Vanessa L. Williams] was passed over for the top spot in favor of Daniel Meade, NOMINALLY experienced son of Meade Publications owner Bradford Meade [aha! And that is the identity of Alan Dale]." Seriously, the delivery by our faux anchor is delicious. As is this form of exposition, I must say. "Can the notorious MANWHORE [here, we see photos of Daniel with a Gwyneth Paltrow lookalike, and a girl who looks like Cobie Smulders] translate his talent at bedding women into DRESSING THEM?" The anchor shoots us a wry, doubtful look. I want to recap that show.
Over in a penthouse office in Manhattan, Daniel appears to be very, very relaxed -- maybe even sleeping -- in his desk chair. I do not, however, think he's sleeping. I think he's...enjoying the oral ministrations of a companion under his desk. Ahem. He snaps to attention when Bradford comes in and asks if he can have a few minutes. Well, technically, he's not giving his father his full attention, since he's still distracted by the company he's got under his desk, if you know what I mean. Bradford looks around the office and spots a pair of pink lace panties hanging off an orchid. "Interesting decorating motif," he notes dryly. Well, it is a fashion magazine. Daniel sighs and tells his lady friend to come out. She crawls out from under his desk -- holding a pen -- and he introduces her to Bradford as his new assistant. Bradford sneers, "I'm sorry to interrupt your....DICATATION. But this is not how you run a magazine." Daniel responds by looking sort of flustered, but also cute. I suspect he still not have the required amount of blood in his brain.