Episode Report Card Montykins: B+ | 714 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Even More Kings
By Montykins | Season 2 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2012.04.01
In the Hand's room, Tyrion and his lady chat about the smell of King's Landing. She likes the smell of cum and garlic and some other things I didn't write down because it's funnier to leave it at those two things. He tells her that they can't trust anyone and she can't let anyone know she's there. Sounds great! He assures her that King's Landing is full of liars, but he's a slave to the truth. His logic is that the truth crushes him, which is what makes him so little. Then he complains about the hard mattress the Hand has to put up with. Wasn't he sleeping in a stone cell that opened onto a thousand-foot drop at one point? He should just be glad this room has normal-sized windows.
Out in the courtyard, Cersei wants to talk to Littlefinger. She would like him to locate Arya for her. In a tone that suggests he's not all that interested, he says that she might have gone to Winterfell. Nope. Well, says Littlefinger, Varys might know. Cersei notes that he's wearing a mockingbird, which means he's created his own sigil. So tacky. He points out that not everyone can be born into the right family. She talks about love. He says that even brothers and sisters develop attachments. So he's openly talking about the family shame? Interesting plan. He explains to her that knowledge is power. She tells her armed guards, who suddenly seem to be very numerous, "Seize him. Cut his throat. Stop. Wait. I've changed my mind. Let him go. Step back three paces. Turn around. Clsoe your eyes." This whole time, they were doing exactly what she told them to. So he was inches away from death. Cersei explains, "Power is power. Do see if you can take some time away from your coins and your whores to locate the Stark girl for me. Thank you very much." She and her guards leave Littlefinger to think about things. We see that a scrub girl saw the whole thing. That will be the excuse for Varys knowing about this when we get our next scene of Varys and Littlefinger verbally sparring about how much they know. I hope. Really, I just hope we have another one of those scenes, because I find them fun.
A younger Lannister listens to Robb's terms for peace. He demands that Joffrey release the girls, give them Ned's bones and return all the other Stark-aligned corpses. And then Joffrey and Cersei must renounce all claims to the North. And Joffrey and all his men will stay out of the North forever. He looks stern and adds, "I don't need a servant to do my beheading for me." He also announces, "I will litter the south with Lannister dead." He's reminded that Joffrey is officially a Baratheon, but he does seem to buy it. When the Lannister is led out, Theon Greyjoy calls Robb "Your Grace", which Robb feels weird about it. They agree that the Lannisters are going to reject his terms. Theon thinks the war won't end until they take King's Landing. And they need ships, which his father has. He tells Robb, "I'm his only living son. He'll listen to me. I know he will." He insists that although he is not a Stark, Ned raised him to be an honorable man. He raised him to be a bloodthirsty little monster, as far as I can tell, but I guess he hasn't actually done anything but recommend war at every opportunity. He also causes confusion by looking too much like Robb when they're standing next to each other. It was even worse when Jon Snow was still there, because we had three guys with black hair who were all about the same age.