Episode Report Card Cate: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Prodigal
By Cate | Season 6 | Episode 7 | Aired on 11.11.2001
After some super-exciting footage of little Billy sleeping while an older woman reads a book, we see Wilson arrive home. The older woman is his landlord, and she's been babysitting Billy -- oh, and listening to his phone messages. She drops some broad hints suggesting that she would like to be taken into his confidence regarding the Mary situation, but Wilson brushes her off. She leaves. Wilson presses play on his answering machine, then walks into the other room. The machine is situated right next to the sleeping Billy, so if Wilson's going to listen to his messages, the least he could do is play them quietly while standing next to the answering machine. But no, he walks into the other room. He comes back out again when he hears that the caller is Ruthie. As he starts undressing, Wilson listens to her stupid, convoluted message, which is cut short by Mary interrupting Ruthie to ask who she's talking to. What the hell is wrong with those Camdens? Are there actually people out in the world who are rude enough to interrupt a sibling's phone call to ask who she's talking to? Sadly, there probably are, but I really don't think they should be held up as role models.
After Ruthie's message, Wilson goes back into the other room. I'm not sure why, since he already knows there are a bunch more messages. I guess the writers did this so that little Billy would have the chance to get out of bed and turn the volume control up on the answering machine. At first I had no clue what the brat was doing. I thought he was going to erase some of the phone messages, which would have been pretty funny. That turning-up-the-volume thing was awfully strange, but I'm even more bewildered when Billy scurries back into bed and pretends to be asleep. When Wilson comes back out to listen to Lucy's message, he's taken off his shirt but still has his undershirt on. Does he play some kind of mutant variation of strip poker, where he has to take off one item of clothing for every message on his machine? God, I hope not. There are a hell of a lot of Camdens, and I'm sure they've all called to pry into his business.
Sure enough, Robbie is next. Wilson's already gone back into the other room, so Billy does that obnoxious thing again where he gets up and turns the volume up. He sucks! When Wilson comes out to listen to Robbie's message, he's taken off his undershirt -- an act which seems symbolic somehow, though it's not really anything I wanted to witness personally. Matt's message finds Wilson stripped down to just his underwear. By the time Simon calls, I've got my eyes covered. Simon's offer to talk is the last message on the machine. Wilson goes over to Billy and knowingly says, "I'm home, son. I'm so glad the answering machine didn't wake you. It was so loud." Okay, but even if the machine hadn't woken him, you just did, so that was a pretty pointless comment. In fact, this may be the single most annoying and meaningless scene on this show ever. Billy wants to talk about his disappointment over the fact that Wilson didn't bring Mary back with him, but Wilson just tells him to go to sleep.