Episode Report Card Sara M: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT One Decade Older, If Not Wiser
By Sara M | Season 20 | Episode 1 | Aired on 02.11.2010
For the final round, we've got James and Rupert against Tyson and Rob. Tyson is wearing the tiniest shorts, by the way. Not just a speedo, but one with a pattern meant to accentuate his package and make us all uncomfortable. There's no way in hell he didn't buy that from an "International Male" catalogue. Tyson tells Rob to stay back like Douche did while he and the two heroes dig. He gets the bag, but James and Rupert jump on top of him. James emerges with the bag and easily blows past Rob. I'm starting to see why they're always talking about how big and strong he is. Damn. The Heroes win the reward, but all is not well for Rupert, who limps back to the mat. He says his toe is "broke." But it's not even his big toe. It's the second smallest toe. He whines about it as the doctor comes back and tapes it to his smallest toe, which is pretty much all you can do for that. Rupert claims that he could feel his tiny toe "cracking inside me" but this heinous injury won't stop him from playing this game. Oh, please. Don't try to act like you're so tough when we all just saw Stephenie literally shrug her dislocated shoulder off like it was nothing. Probst says that, despite their injuries, the Heroes now have fire and an advantage in this game. With that, he tosses the contestants their maps and tells them to head out to their respective camps. Li'l Russell gets the last word, saying that he doesn't mind losing because he's used to it. He's looking forward to winning the next challenge and sending the Heroes to Tribal Council, where they can "do their hero thing," whatever that means.
The Villains arrive at their camp to find baskets full of supplies, such as flippers and a tiny pitchfork. I'm not sure what the pitchfork is for except as a delightful prop for the Villains. Li'l Russell gets yet another interview that I just can't be bothered to recap. He says the same thing all the fucking time. Let's hear from ANYONE ELSE PLEASE. Oh, and he says that if he can win against all of these people, then that must mean he's "the best ever." Except for Natalie, who beat him. And also all the other great players who aren't on this season because the producers would rather just keep putting the same contestants on the show over and over again. Li'l Russell says he'll play the same type of game he did last time, since it served him so well. And also because the people he's playing against haven't seen his season so they won't know any better. Hey, remember last season when Li'l Russell pulled all the women in his tribe aside and promised them a Final Two alliance? Well, he does the exact same thing this time, too. First with Danielle, who interviews that she'll stick with Li'l Russell until he turns on her. So she's not buying it. Neither does Parvati, who agrees to Li'l Russell's deal before interviewing that she knows exactly what he's up to, but it's in her best interests to work with him for now. "He's just an incredible force," she says, although it's obvious that she said "he's just an incredible" and then they put her saying "force" in from somewhere else. She probably really said "he's just an incredible moron." Li'l Russell interviews that he's playing this game against All-Stars, but he's even better than them, like Michael Jordan in basketball or Michael Phelps in swimming. Didn't he just tell us how awesome they all were? But now he's better than them? Whatever.