Episode Report Card Sara M: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT One Decade Older, If Not Wiser
By Sara M | Season 20 | Episode 1 | Aired on 02.11.2010
At Camp EVIL, Rob is becoming annoyed with the laziness of his tribemates. He complains to Jerri about these diva new-school contestants versus hard-working old schoolers like him and Jerri. "There's nobody here that wants to do anything," he interviews as we see a shot of Douche doing some useless warrior poses on the beach. Jerri says people are just suffering from a lack of energy due to dehydration. So Rob decides to build a fire so his tribe can drink. While his lazy tribemates scoff and call his efforts futile, Rob gets to work. Randy says that since no one will be voted off or not voted off due to fire-making abilities, they should just "blow it off." "You're just gonna wear yourself out," he says. While Randy interviews about how fire is impossible to make without flint and steel, Rob rubs two bamboo poles together (with Randy helping out, even though he said it was a waste of energy, so whatever). Sure enough, it's soon smoking and Rob places the resulting embers (or whatever that stuff is called. I don't know how to make fire and I don't have to, because I'll never go on this show) on a pile of kindling and blows. Lo and behold, there is fire! Wow, that makes him one of the only people on this show to make fire without flint or eyeglasses. Rob interviews that he's just as competitive and cutthroat as he was when he played this game six years ago, but he's also now a husband and father, which he thinks has taught him patience. At the same time, he says he's stuck on a tribe full of idiots. And somehow, when Rob says this, I believe him. But when Li'l Russell says it, I want him to die in the fire that Rob made. Funny how that works. Douche interviews that he's "a little in awe of Rob" and happy to have him on the tribe. Aw, look! Douche has a mancrush on Rob! And he likes Jerri! Douche is showing us his softer, possibly less-douchey side this season. Douche makes Rob uncomfortable by telling him how great he thinks he is. Li'l Russell, clearly jealous, interviews that Rob might think he's in control of this camp and the game, but Li'l Russell is "the king." "Unless I'm dethroned. But you know what? That ain't gonna happen," he says. Except that it did. Last season.
We go back to the Heroes Camp to see the other major camera-whore on a show full of camera-whores: Rupert. He wades out in the ocean to try to do some fishing, but complains that because his "toe is broke in at least two places," he hasn't been able to catch anything. So he's just going to work around camp because that's all his "darn toe" is capable of. He hopes that starting a fire for his tribe will be enough to keep him around. But how can he possibly start a fire when his toe is broken in three thousand places??? It's just not possible. He tries and tries, but has no luck. Cirie watches from afar and then laughs at him for shaving half of their flint down with no fire to show for it. That's funny to me, but it shouldn't really be to Cirie, since she kind of needs that flint to last 39 days. Cirie says she just had to sit back and watch Rupert fail because "his ego is so humungous, what can you say?" Finally, J.T. steps in to start the fire and save the flint. Rupert shuffles away, talking to himself. J.T. appears to start the fire immediately. Rupert interviews that he's still worried about his "darn broken toe." He's afraid the tribe will see "how much pain [he's] really in" and how he isn't able to contribute as much to them because of it. Oh my god, Rupert, shut the hell up about your stupid little toe. I do roller derby and despite what you may have seen on Google about me being 5'11", I'm actually pretty small and get knocked around a lot. One time I broke my index finger in the middle of a bout and you know what I did then? I complained about it for the rest of the bout and blamed it on my poor performance. Oh wait, no, I didn't -- I got it taped up and kept skating. And then went about my daily business with a broken finger for the next couple weeks, typing on my computer and writing papers. It wasn't the most comfortable feeling in the world, but I was still able to adapt and go about my daily business without much of a problem. And I'm a wimp, so what does that make Rupert, whose broken second-smallest toe prohibits him from doing just about everything? A giant stupid baby, for one. Clearly the editors agree with me, as they're giving him the big dumb oaf music.