Episode Report Card Jessica: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Lyin', The Watch And The Wardrobe
By Jessica | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.25.2006
Cut to the apartment of Daniel's Lady Number One, who opens the door and tells Betty that, first of all, she doesn't have any candy, and, second, Betty is "way too old to be [trick or treating]." Betty explains why she's there, and Womanizing Victim Number One demands to know why Daniel never called her back. "What does he think I am? Some kind of scratching post? Some kind of call girl? He sends his SECRETARY to blow me off?" she slams the door in Betty's face, and then opens it again to announce that Daniel did leave something there. "THE LAST CHANCE FOR HAPPINESS HE'LL EVER HAVE." And his boxers, which Victim Number One throws at Betty's head. They hang jauntily from her antennae, as she just looks shell-shocked.
Speaking of Daniel, he's at the Stone Rehabilitation Center, where -- after some shenanigans about maybe checking himself in -- he manages to explain that he's just there as a visitor. He's about to tell us all who he's visiting when Betty calls, suggesting that he should maybe send flowers to The Ladies of the Week. Because when a man isn't planning to call you back, it really makes it easier to move on if he's ALSO inexplicably sent you flowers. She's in the middle of asking him if that would be okay when Walter beeps in on the other line. She SO can't talk right now, she tells poor tragic Walter, but he really wants to know how close she is to the bottom of her candy. Betty repeats that now is not a good time, and clicks back over to Daniel, who wants to know why he needs to send flowers. "Are they upset?" he asks. Betty tells him that Miss Friday got all red and sweaty, "like a cheese sweats." This evocative description makes Daniel agree to a dozen roses to each. He rings off, and turns to the receptionist. "Claire Meade, please," he asks. And so seems we will get to meet Mom.
Meanwhile, Marc is presenting Wilhelmina with photos of possible escorts, all of whom she deems far too old for her. I think one of the head shots is of Ted Kennedy. She snaps at Marc to find her someone who "doesn't leak."
On the way out to find a leakless, age-appropriate dude, Marc runs into Christina, who's bringing Wilhelmina's ball gown in for a fitting. He tells her to be nice, and Christina insists that she's always nice. "You're NEVER NICE," Marc retorts. "You know what? You're right. I was thinking of somebody else," Christina snaps. And I can't tell if they hate each other, or are madly in love.
Meanwhile, Claire -- whom you may know better as Judith Light -- takes Daniel into the rehab center's library. "Nothing like making people in detox read stories cooked up by a bunch of drunks," Claire drawls. I have to say, Judith Light looks awesome. "Did your father tell you they confiscated my perfume?" she asks, and Daniel starts to say that maybe they were worried she would...."What? DRINK IT?" Claire fills in the blanks. "Oh, come on, Daniel. It's bad enough I can't board first class with my liquid eyeliner. Now I have to walk around smelling like...people." And that was the line where I fell in love with Judith Light. Daniel looks mildly amused, and says that he's there to talk to her. He apologizes for not coming sooner, but he's been "busy" for the last couple of weeks. "Almost four," Claire corrects him. "They like to tell you how many days you've been in, so it passes more slowly. Today is sponsored by the number twenty-six." So, what you're saying is that you're not really enjoying rehab? Daniel just cuts right to the chase: "I want to talk about Fey Sommers." Claire gives him a long look and tells him that, in that case, she's going to need to get lunch somewhere that isn't serving pudding cups.