Episode Report Card Jessica: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Lyin', The Watch And The Wardrobe
By Jessica | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.25.2006
Speaking of Queens, land of the cooked fish and Halloween costumes, here we are. Hilda gets home and complains that something is burning. "What is that?" she asks, wrinkling her noses. Ignacio turns from the stove. "Blooood," he says, with a Transylvanian accent, which is only aided by the fake fangs he's wearing. Hilda rolls her eyes. "Kids come here for candy, not trauma," she tells him, which makes him all nostalgic for back in the day when she and Betty were little girls. Hilda cuts off the misty, water-colored memories and reminds him that they're both grown up now. And she wants to get the scoop on the drama with his Social Security number. At this, Ignacio clams up.
Mode. Amanda is helping Betty contact Daniel's Manwhore Victims by calling them and posing as someone from the Sutton Medical Group. "One of our patients, Daniel Meade, just left here and thought we should give you a call," she says. "The good thing about scabies is, if you treat the itching right away, there's little chance of them becoming open sores. You might wanna call your doctor. Okay, bye!" Her little task completed, she looks up to see Walter standing there, in the middle of reception, holding his butterfly net. "She's out to lunch," Amanda tells him. Walter, because he is needy, wants to know when Betty will be back from lunch. Amanda doesn't have time to deal with this -- she has libelous phone calls to make -- so she shrugs that Walter can go ask her himself: "She's at the sushi bar across the street with Whatshisface."
At the Recriminations Café, Claire is telling Daniel that Fey actually used to call the house and play the music from The Music Box of Infidelity to her over the phone. But she really thought Bradford had ended it. "So when did he?" Daniel asks. Claire thinks. She's been in the joint just under a month, so maybe...."Six weeks?" she offers. Daniel is shocked that Bradford had been having an affair with Fey, unbeknownst to Claire, for TWENTY YEARS. How could she not realize this was going on? "Well, Daniel, I don't know if you've noticed, but I drink quite a lot," Claire says, both wearily and dryly. She then warns him that, just as she takes after her own alcoholic father, she's concerned that Daniel is exhibiting the same philandering qualities that Bradford has. "I see him in you, Daniel. It destroyed our family," she tells him. Oh, lady, you don't even know. Daniel asks what finally made Bradford put an end to the affair, and Claire considers this, and finally says that she will tell him, IF he gives her a sip of his wine. And Daniel actually DOES IT. Oh, Daniel. Of course, Claire's "sip" is everyone else's "guzzle," and she downs the glass in one gulp. "I made him choose," she says when she's done. "She wasn't going anywhere on her own. So she and I went over to his office and we stood there in front of that big, over-compensating desk of his and told him to make a choice." Daniel asks who he chose. "Well. One of us is here. And one of us is dead. So you figure it out," his mother tells him. Well, that's not mysterious and vague at all! There's been some speculation on the forums that maybe Claire "killed" Fey and Bradford is covering it up for her, and I actually think that's a very strong possibility, especially considering Claire's attitude in this scene.