Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Head Games
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 7 | Aired on 11.07.2001
The Dolt, in a peach button-down shirt, looms into the frame to speak directly into the camera. "Do you know how long [Spalding] was in the house?" Jesus, Dolt, don't ask me. From the sofa, Phoebe notes she can't be certain, but she first noticed the squat floor lamp three days ago. The Dolt heals the slight wound Phoebe received on her forehead from the pimp-slapping of earlier. Piper and Cole snipe at each other for a moment, debating The Source's intentions. Raige trails in from the sun porch, dragging the remnants of her chair cushions. She asks Piper if they can claim the damage on their homeowner's insurance policy. Piper answers in the negative. Raige Valley-Girls something about wondering if she should expect the rest of her belongings to meet the same fate as her chair. Phoebe tells her that "rule number one" in Halliwell Manor is to "expect the unexpected." Piper snippily wonders if they should take this opportunity to fill Raige in on all of the other Manor rules. Phoebe feels this would be counterproductive, given the circumstances. Phoebe and the Dolt decide to scry for the demon using the splattered remnants of his arm. Piper doesn't think it's worth the effort, as Spalding already has whatever information on the Manor residents he requires. Cole reminds her that in addition to information on the gals, Spalding might also possess knowledge of The Source's intentions. Raige, meanwhile, continues to fret over the loss of her ugly chair.
The doorbell rings. A rash of wary foreboding races through the parlor. Phoebe and Piper slowly rise to answer. I suppose they're attempting to lead the audience to believe that Eeevil lurks on the porch outside, and if their definition of Eeevil is a bleached blonde named Becca in a sleeveless turtleneck with a day planner in her hands, then fine. But that's not this show's definition of Eeevil, and we all know a demon would just slam the unlocked door open with no prior warning, so why all this unnecessary "heightening" of the "tension"? Answer any time, folks. Piper whips the door open, startling the aforementioned bleached blonde. Becca's pleasant enough, greeting Phoebe with a friendly and apparently genuine "long time no see." She asks Piper if she's ready to motor to that baby shower. Piper had momentarily forgotten about it, but moves quickly to gather her purse and jacket. There's the matter of the freshly-gooped party favors to consider, but Piper decides they can pick something up on the way. Phoebe's stunned, and drags Piper back into the Manor for a brief confab. Piper can't just disappear during a moment of crisis! Piper can and will. They don't need her to scry for Spalding, so she intends to enjoy the shower while she has the chance. Phoebe and Raige can call Piper once they've found him. Phoebe attempts to protest further, but Piper cuts her short: "The bottom line is, if I'm ever going to have kids, then I need to have a life first which means I have to be a human first and then a witch later. Got it? Good." Piper's biological clock must have gone off while I wasn't listening, because in the last twenty-eight episodes, I've never once heard her express a desire to reproduce. She forces her way past Phoebe, calling out a farewell to the Dolt. Phoebe grinds her teeth in irritation.