Episode Report Card Demian: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Head Games
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 7 | Aired on 11.07.2001
Hell. Literally. They've even added the screams of those doomed to eternal torment to the soundtrack in the background, and I must say, it's about damned time. The camera tracks through a rough-hewn hallway into a candlelit chamber, where Spalding paces back and forth anxiously. The Source blazes into place behind him. Spalding tenses up as The Source accuses him of failure. Spalding hasn't failed, he insists. While he was exposed prior to gathering all of the information The Source required for his next plot, he still managed to find the Colethazor, along with a couple of relevant facts about the gals. None of this satisfies The Source, who placed Spalding in the Manor specifically to gain full knowledge of all of the Glamorous Ladies' "hopes, fears, and dreams," in order to trick one of them into surrendering her powers. Spalding offers to abduct one of the Ps for The Source, the idea being to accelerate The Source's plan. The Ps, after all, are now looking for him. The Source considers this for a moment, decides the option is worth pursuing, and proceeds to "cut out the middleman." The Source blazes out into the form of Spalding, then waves a hand in front of Spalding's body. Spalding bursts into a mushroom of flame and disappears. Someone needs to explain to me where dark demonic forces sent from the flaming maw of Hell go when they're actually vanquished within Hell's confines. Does Hell have a basement, like Filene's? The Spource focuses his attention on an altar, and oh, dear Lord. We're actually in The Chamber Of The Bint. The Spource waves his hand around, and she smokes in next to her crystal ball. I think she's had her breasts augmented since we saw her last. Like they weren't unnatural enough the last time. The Spource informs the Smoked Bint that it's time to proceed with his plan. Has she determined which of the three Ps is the most vulnerable? The Smoked Bint mildly replies that each sister has her own unique weaknesses, but adds that Piper might be The Spource's best bet at the moment. "Her -- yearnings appear to be her greatest weakness," the Bint purrs, stroking her abs. Ew. Just start dry-humping your crystal ball, why don't you? Skank. The Smoked Bint slides her slippery fingers over the ball's surface, and Piper's toothy grin presently appears in the smoke therein. The camera plunges into the mist to emerge in P3.
The baby shower is in full swing, with the heavily pregnant Wendy opening Piper's gift. Wendy gasps in surprise and delight as she removes a furry white infant one-piece with faux-leopard trim at the collar and cuffs and a row of large rhinestone buttons down the front. "This is adorable!" Wendy enthuses. "Where did you get this?" "Eilish's ass." Okay, not so much. Piper claims to have found it in a shop in the Embarcadero that carries "the cutest little things." The two women embrace awkwardly across Wendy's distended belly. Piper rises to join Becca at a low table off to one side. Becca continues to be authentically warm and pleasant, noting how happy she is to see Piper out and about again. Piper of course assumes that Becca refers to her recent period of confinement after the loss of The Late Lamented, but Becca's really talking about "the last three or four years." "You just kind of disappeared," Becca opines. Piper distractedly agrees with that assessment as her cell phone bleeps on the table beside her. She lifts it to note that the call is from "Home," then switches it off. Becca worries that Piper has to leave. "It can wait," Piper reassures her. The Dolt orbs into an adjacent hallway, presumably to drag Piper's slacking ass out of there whether she likes it or not. Piper gracefully excuses herself for a moment, then scuttles over to the Dolt's side. Phoebe and Raige have located what they believe to be Spalding, so Piper must make her excuses and leave now. "How are we supposed to have kids if I can't even be at somebody else's baby shower?" Piper spits. The Dolt is as confused by this uncharacteristic biological time bomb as I. Piper agrees to meet the Dolt outside the club after she has said her goodbyes. She works her way over to Wendy, who is sorely disappointed to hear the news. Piper admits she's equally disappointed, pats Wendy on the hand, and leaves. Wendy smirks and wiggles another gift box around. Fake sow.