Episode Report Card Keckler: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Naked Then
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.19.2002
Sickbay. Lying on the SCAT table, May-Brain-And-Brain wants to know how much longer Phlox is going to take, and insists that he has to get back to the Bridge, as the Captain needs "those upgrades." Phlox tells him he won't be returning to duty that day, and that when it comes to medical matters, his word supersedes Quantum's: "I'm keeping you overnight for observation." May-What-Is-Brain protests that his scans didn't show anything. "That's what concerns me -- whatever is affecting you may be laying dormant. I'm going to run a full bio-molecular scan to see if we can find where it's hiding," Phlox explains, shaking an instrument at his monitor. May-Pinky-And-The-Brain tries to leave, but Phlox pushes him back down and tells him not to move. He slides May-The-Not-So-Great-Brain-Does-It-Again into the SCAT tube. The SCAT tube's door closes ominously behind him. Did you notice that even when he's on the show, they hide him away?
Quantum's Quarters. Quantum orates something dull that he and his father did where he met Tasaki and Cochrane. And saw first-hand what a raging alkie Cochrane is. Porthos sits on the bed and watches his master pace. He barks to remind Quantum that it's way past his dinnertime. Quantum orders the computer to pause, and meanly tells Porthos that he'll feed him in a minute. Not liking where this is going -- the human bastard. Quantum continues with his preface dictating -- obviously having major constipation issues -- and rubs his head. He stops and tells the computer to delete everything he said. Porthos barks again. "Quiet!" Quantum snaps. Porthos jumps off the bed, onto his own pillow bed, and lays his head down sadly. Quantum just stares angrily at his dog and doesn't do anything. Oh, you big furrowing ass! I swear, Bermaga are reading my recaps and are so angry with how many shreds I rip them into that they are purposely doing things calculated to piss me off and make me despise Quantum even more. Granted, I shout at my cats when they knock every book of the shelf at three in the morning or when they leap right on my dinners at the wrong time of the month, but I always feel immediately sorry. And plus, Porthos wasn't doing anything but asking Quantum not to starve him to death. Mark my words, one of these days, I'm getting out the sh'pod, grabbing Porthos, taking control of the galley, and forcing Quantum to eat cheese, cheese, and nothing but cheese for the rest of his life. Then I'll take over Sickbay and make Quantum do a full course of botox injections and on my way out, I'll steal all of Malcolm's Bonne Bells and unmake his bed.