Episode Report Card Keckler: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Naked Then
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.19.2002
Captain's Quarters. Quantum reads one of my recaps on his computer as T'Pol walks in with the duty roster and some messages. Reed wants to talk to him about a new security protocol, and Chef is ill -- probably annoyed with his review in the newest edition of Zagat's Spaceships, Landcruisers, and Shuttlepods: Alpha Quadrant. I mean, comments like "The plomeek soup is logical enough," "Really knows how to press those protein resequencer buttons," and "Does stuff with leftover engine parts you'd never imagine possible" are probably overshadowed by "Food so bad, it should be flung into the nearest wormhole," "Even a Ferengi wouldn't steal this meal," and "Needs to realize that 'Targ, it's what's for dinner' isn't funny when it's true." Luckily, Hoshi has volunteered to take over his duties. "Apparently, she spends some of her free time in the galley and is eager for an opportunity to cook for the crew," T'Pol finishes. Quantum looks charmed by this idea, and okays it, as long as Chef doesn't freak out if she uses his knives. Scratch that -- I'm sure Chef actually sleeps with his knives.
Quantum changes subjects and tells T'Pol he's been asked to write the preface for a biography on his father. "Would you mind reading it when I'm done?" Quantum furrows. "I'd be happy to," T'Pol tells him. "Happy"? Bit of a human emotion there, T'Pol. And don't say "it's just an expression," because there's no logical reason why any Vulcan would use a human expression that didn't apply to them. Quantum paces a bit and admits that he's struggling with getting it down; he's been putting it off for weeks. T'Pol thinks their Impulse Side Trip will give him ample time to write, rewrite, delete, and go crazy. Quantum admits that time isn't the problem: "They only asked for a page. How am I supposed to sum up my father's life in a page?" You're not. That's what the rest of the book is for. As the preface writer -- and the son of the book's subject -- you're supposed to praise the writer, thank him for speaking so eloquently about your father and his sepia-toned accomplishments, and say something about the other people who were important to your father's work. Here, do you want me to do it for you? T'Pol gives some advice about focusing on a single defining memory as a way to "condense his thoughts." Sure, like your stupid gazelle story that seems to have fascinated everyone into hysterics, but which I still refuse to remember, or the time he told you, "Don't be afraid to fly into the wind, Jon!" No one reads prefaces, anyway, so stop over-furrowing it. Quantum jokingly asks T'Pol if she wants to write it for him. "I'm hardly qualified," T'Pol says, and leaves. Quantum's expression actually makes me wonder if he was really serious in his request. Wow. Instead of totally convincing me I'm watching a two-by-four move across the screen, Bakula's actually making me think about what he's trying to portray in these scenes. Although the furrows are still there, so no worries that I'm going completely soft on him.
Galley. God, what I wouldn't kill and roast over an open flame to trade in my closet kitchen for that kind of stainless steel space! Some line cook tells Hoshi that Chef was planning on making fried chicken -- can they stop with the Southern Home Cookin' foods already? -- with scalloped potatoes and "some of that Minaran spinach [they] picked up on Risa." "The orange spinach?" Hoshi asks, in order to let us know that alien spinach can't be green and chock full of the chlorophylls that Earth spinach is full of. "He's convinced there's a way to make it edible," Line Cook tells her. Hoshi thinks they'll let Chef take care of that when he gets over his bad review: "I have something else in mind." She points at a monitor covered in Japanese characters, alongside a picture of a bowl of soup with chopsticks. I know I'm not that dexterous with them, but how do you eat soup with chopsticks? Hoshi explains that it's a famous family recipe, and Line Cook tells her he needs a translation in order to program the protein resequencer. "Oh, no," Hoshi says, putting up her hand and getting into the "aees ees my keetchin!" mode already: "You can resequence all the chicken and potatoes you want." She reaches under a counter and pulls out a five-gallon stockpot -- which, incidentally, is exactly the size of my ENTIRE KITCHEN -- and tells him she's making everything from scratch. Oh, Luuucy! Line Cook pulls a bit of a face and leaves. Probably to tattle on her. Interesting detail they included in this scene: one of the counters had one of those cookbook stands I've wanted for awhile. Those things are so helpful. Especially when you have hi-tech monitors displaying the complete recipe right above your head.