Episode Report Card Keckler: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Hoshi and the Beast
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.14.2003
Apple commercials used to make me smile. Now they just make me stark, raving, hair-tearing mad. The latest? I got my iBook back without my airport card. That's right -- APPLE STOLE MY AIRPORT CARD! Bastards. I hate them.
Alien Von Stalker introduces himself and says he didn't appear in his natural state because he didn't want to frighten her. If he didn't want to frighten her, what was with the Circuit Citying of her face and telling her he was waiting for her? He steps into the light, and we can see he's wearing a sort of obi-cum-smoking jacket. Do you think he's a baron? Maybe just a baronet. Well, at any rate, if he's wearing a smoking jacket, that means he's refined and will turn out to be okay in the end. Alien Von Stalker, bart. thanks Hoshi for coming to see him. Hoshi takes a step back and looks down. Quantum prompts Alien Von Stalker, bart. on the information he promised them, and Alien Von Stalker, bart. tells them the Xindi are building a weapon that will annihilate Earth. Don't we already know that? Oh, right -- it's the Exposition Transporter Beam. I got sick of chronicling those logs awhile back. Alien Von Stalker, bart. says he can tell them where the weapon is located if he can be given a Xindi object. So, what? He's a medium now? I guess he must be, because he explains that all objects retain a psycho -- erm, "psych-ic" imprint that can be traced. Alien Von Stalker, bart. is answering all of Quantum and Reed's queries while Hoshi remains silent, but he really seems to be mostly staring at Hoshi. It's hard to tell, because his eyes are somewhat hooded by his alien brow. Plus all those extra fingers jutting out of his head cast weird shadows.
Quantum says he can arrange to have something sent down, and Alien Von Stalker, bart. says he will need a couple of days to study it. Reed comments that they didn't pick up any other bio-signs on the planet, and Alien Von Stalker, bart. admits that he lives there alone. "It's a very big planet for one person," Reed says pointedly. "I've lived here for a very long time, Mr. Reed, my only contact with the outside world has been through telepathy," Alien Von Stalker, bart. says. How long you've lived there and what long distance plan you use doesn't really address why no one else lives there. Unless you are implying that you ate them all. Alien Von Stalker, bart. asks them to bring him the artifact, and Quantum says they'll be back posthaste. As they all start to leave, Alien Von Stalker, bart. tells Quantum he has "one small request." Yes, very small -- about the size of Hoshi, right? Right. Reed frowns; Quantum furrows and says it's not appropriate, which for some reason makes me think they're in Victorian times and the rake of the town just asked to take the vicar's daughter for a ride in his open carriage without a chaperone. Alien Von Stalker, bart. says he won't save the church unless he has access to the vicar's daughter.