Episode Report Card Keckler: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Hoshi and the Beast
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.14.2003
Nextel? Dumb.
The Bridge suffers sparks and smoke, and reports of damage and decompression on several decks come in. Curious how no one died with a hull breach like that. Quantum stops the ship and wonders why the anomalies are much stronger here. T'Pol thinks Bad Breath Star II is emitting a lot more gravimetric energy than the first one. Quantum muses, "Which means if we continue there's a good chance that this ship is going to get torn apart." "Well, tear her apart then!" the Evil Dr. Mathra shouts. Quantum orders Trip to insulate a sh'pod with Trellium-D and turns to T'Pol: "You might want to steer clear of the launch bay for the next couple of days." "Indeed," T'Pol Spocks.
Cliffs of Insanity. Hoshi walks around in an indigo blue halter sundress and sandals that click on the stone floors. Her hair is down, and while that looks nice, we're hell and gone from Risa and it's snowing outside. Her attire makes me want to wrap my hands around a steaming cup of mulled wine. I'll be back in a minute. Hoshi spies on Alien Von Stalker, bart. and sees him playing with a glowing blue orb. There's a red rose in that, isn't there? He senses her presence and looks up. Hoshi apologizes for disturbing him. Of course he invites her in and asks if she's had a chance to look at the book he left her. "I'm about halfway through," she tells him. Alien Von Stalker, bart. seems somewhat disappointed that she has been able to translate it so quickly. I see no reason for him to be surprised -- if he knows everything about her, he knows what a quick tongue study she is. ["Heh. 'Quick tongue study.' Wait…I actually meant to say 'ew.' My mistake." -- Sars] Hoshi echoes my thoughts when she says, sullenly, "Aren't you supposed to know me better than that?" Alien Von Stalker, bart. chuckles and avoids answering by asking her what she thinks of the book. Hoshi likens it to medieval Klingon. Showoff. Hoshi asks after her host's progress. Alien Von Stalker, bart. admits that he hasn't gotten too far with his Egg of Erised -- he only has a few impressions and visuals, but he knows the Xindi have five species. Okay, we ALL know that by now, since they mention it every episode. It makes me wonder if they're going to introduce a sixth secret species. It will be the one who rules them all...the Xindi Paramecium! Grab a microscope and be afraid of its cilia! Tremble at its single-celledness! Its secret weapon is that it can reproduce asexually and never really dies!
Alien Von Stalker, bart. says he needs more time to figure out where the weapon is being built. He puts his hands back on the Egg of Erised, and I notice that his hands don't have fingers. They're like lobster claws -- he might have a third digit in there, but they look as awkward as his voice sounds. Hoshi asks about the Egg of Erised, and Alien Von Stalker, bart. tells her it's his telepathic antenna. His parents gave it to him when he was exiled, and he used it to find Hoshi. I can see that thing breaking during a routine dusting. He offers to let Hoshi try it with his guidance. Right, "guidance." Alien Von Stalker, bart. hands her the Egg of Erised. Now I can see his hands more clearly -- he's got a thumb, a forefinger, and a middle finger. However, what would be his ring finger and pinky are fused together as one. Circus freak. As Hoshi's hands touch the orb, it glows blue. However, it's really more like it blinked on blue, which really detracts from the magic. The effects people should have had it gradually swirl up to a blue, not just make it look like they turned on a nightlight. Alien Von Stalker, bart. gives her some instructions on using the Egg. Hoshi sees lots of images from past episodes -- over forty scenes, but they went by way too fast for me to conjecture if they showed a shot representing every episode they've aired in the last two years. The first one is the Earth shot in the opening credit sequence, and the last one is a Snake Eyes looking right at her. Hoshi gasps and opens her eyes. She asks how Alien Von Stalker, bart. makes sense of everything. "It takes practice," he tells her, putting his other hand over hers. "Try again." Hoshi pulls away and says, "Maybe later." Maybe never, freakazoid. Hoshi leaves him to his work, and Alien Von Stalker, bart. invites her to return if she'd like some company.