Episode Report Card Jessica: B- | 1 USERS: C YOU GRADE IT Cigarette Burns
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.09.2002
Screening room. Audrey stomps inside and stops right in front of Joey and Charlie. She has to talk to Joey. Joey's all, I'm sort of busy with The Big Unit here. "Hello? Does the expression 'bros before hos' mean anything to you?" Audrey asks. I laughed out loud at that line. This convinces Joey, who follows Audrey up the aisle. Audrey wants to get their stories straight: "If it happens to come up, I've slept with twenty-seven people," she says. "Rock and roll!" says a random passerby. Hee, again. "You've had sex with twenty-seven different people?" Joey asks, incredulous. Audrey dubs this "creative math" and looks at Joey pleadingly. Joey smiles patronizingly and advises Audrey once more to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Which is, by the way, horrible relationship advice. Not that I advocate lying or anything, because I don't, but you don't have to tell your significant other everything about everything, especially if you're just telling them something to ease your own guilty conscience, because that generally just causes the other person intense and long-lasting pain, when all you really wanted was to feel better about something that was rotten but which is also over and never even needed to be brought up in the first place because if in fact you feel so bad about it, maybe you ought to just suffer in silence instead of ruining MY ENTIRE SENIOR YEAR. Um. Never mind. Joey simpers and tells Audrey to "go do the right thing!" Then she smiles a big patronizing smile and skips back to Big Dick.
Joey sits back down. "Everything cool?" Charlie asks. "Relatively speaking," Joey purrs. Chatter chatter chatter, flirt, flirt, flirt. Hey, have you heard that Joey is totally hot and completely out of Charlie's league, and that she's also really smart and clever and great in the sack and has excellent eye-hand coordination and can do complex logarithms in her sleep and also donated one of her kidneys to a poor orphan whom she recently saved from a burning building? Joey giggles that everything Charlie is thinking "is written all over his face." He's all, what am I thinking right now? Joey chirps that Charlie's thinking that he really, really likes her and he wants to take her out on a proper date. "No. Actually, I was thinking that I want to take you into the bathroom and do ungodly things to you," Charlie tells her. This, for some reason, appalls Joey and she runs off. Dear. God. First and foremost, almost everyone I know would have chuckled at Charlie's comment and told him (either seriously or very sarcastically) to keep hope alive. Or rolled their eyes and advised him to jump in a cold shower. Or, you know, hit the bathroom and done some ungodly things. But Joey? A pain in all of our delicate asses. "I blew it, didn't I?" Charlie squeals as she stomps off, her girlish feelings all a twitter. "I am the devil," he says to himself.
Lobby. Pacey. Jack. Pacey's all talking about how he's got it bad for Audrey and how wonderful she is and blah blah blah, and she's conveniently right behind him to hear all of this. He turns around and looks at her. "I have to be honest. Want to be honest. It's not twenty-seven. It's fifty-seven!" she blurts out. Pacey spits his drink everywhere. Of course he does, because Pacey Witter is now suddenly the star of a slapstick romantic comedy where he falls down and sits in boxes and spits a lot.