Episode Report Card Miss Alli: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Making money hand over fisticuffs
By Miss Alli | Season 6 | Episode 20 | Aired on 04.22.2003
Cut to the firm of Glass, Steel & Paneling, or whatever Pacey's workplace is called. In a suit, Pacey walks into a conference room where a crowd of dorky aspiring broker types are seated around a table, looking terrified. "I had sex with a beautiful woman last night," Pacey says. The Thumping Bass Guitar Of Sex starts up. And thus begins a long lecture in which Pacey talks like a complete twit about how he's got this beautiful woman in his bed for one reason and one reason only -- he is making a lot of money, and they can, too. If the sound of him lecturing about how money is the only thing that matters sounds a little ridiculous and out of character to you, you're not alone. As they so often do, the writers are abandoning everything they've ever told us about who this kid is in order to set him up for one more redemption storyline before we all pack up our pup tents and go home. The blank-faced guys around the table stare at Pacey as he blathers about the thrill of riches, tells them that they'd better not be late on Monday, and storms out. I'm so glad they're spending the last few episodes doing important things, you know? Because I totally care about this. When he walks out of the conference room, he runs smack into Boss Man Rich, who asks him how it went. Pacey says that he learned from the best. "That's sweet," Boss Man Rich smarms. "You want to make out, or...?" Wow, funny. Pacey notices some excitement in the background in the subtle form of an off-camera guy going, "Woo!" and Boss Man Rich tells him that Stock-O-Doom is still rising in anticipation of its highly-anticipated FDA ruling. Which I'm thinking will go fine, don't you think? Boss Man Rich uses the terms "nether regions" and "amigo" in explaining this turn of events, so he is pretty much as hateful as ever. On his way out, Boss Man Rich asks Pacey if he "sealed the deal" with Sadia, and Pacey -- suddenly a guy who treats women like shit, in addition to a greedy bastard -- oozes that BMR should "ask those guys in there." BMR says that he is now in awe of Pacey. "Nicely done," says BMR. "You know, that's just what she said," Pacey says. You know, you'd think when they were going to flip a U-turn of this magnitude with a character, they'd give a little more warning. I'd appreciate it, because I'm having a bit of whiplash.
Commercials. I miss the Not! Line. ["Oh, it's still open." -- Sars]
When we return, Pacey is snoozing with Sadia in his arms. They half-wake-up and start canoodling and so forth, and there's some boogeda-boogeda about how it's a nice way to start the day, blah blah blah. "I do have a few other tricks up my sleeve," she says, and then offers that she didn't want to "blow [his] mind" too early. I swear, all those mythical monkeys on typewriters could write better pillow talk, except that in every place where the myth uses the word "an infinite number of," you should insert "five." Pacey suddenly realizes it's Stock-O-Doom's big news day, so he reaches for the remote and flips on the TV. She wants to know what's so interesting, and he tells her about the Stock-O-Doom thingie, which he actually refers to as a thingie, which leads to what feels like ten minutes of unfunny banter about the word "thingie." I tell you, desperation is wafting off this script like dead fish stink. (I actually think you should insert "four.") She wants to know how young Pacey became so "career-obsessed," which leads to yet another clumsily placed mention of Joey: The One That Got Away, shoehorned in as an example of the other obsessions he has considered and tossed away in favor of workaholism. Sadia says it's no skin off her nose. "I mean, it's not like you're my boyfriend," she says. "I have one of those, and...they're overrated." Josh Jackson does a marvelously funny take at her "I have one of those" line, proving once again his ability to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, even when the ear is lined with horse manure. He recovers and tells her that he concurs entirely that relationships suck. She picks at his ear as he watches the TV (sexy!), and she says that "this other girl, she doesn't know what she's missing." "She's in a past life," he says unconvincingly while resting his face on her forearm in a genuinely strange way that doesn't look like anything a regular person would do ever, in the absence of a camera guy trying to set up a shot. He says that he always has his work. "And then there's me," she says vapidly, smiling happily at herself. "And then there's you," he repeats, taking this as "proof positive that there is in fact a God." Blah blah blah make-out-cakes, and he eventually turns off the TV to devote himself fully to ravaging her. But -- but -- now he won't see the announcement about Stock-O-Doom and the FDA! What if something goes wrong? Do you think that's a possibility? I also have to say that this scene ends with a little more grinding of butts than I really need to see at 7:15, okay, guys? Some of us in the Midwest are still digesting dinner.