Episode Report Card Miss Alli: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Making money hand over fisticuffs
By Miss Alli | Season 6 | Episode 20 | Aired on 04.22.2003
Credits. Ah, we meet again, bitches.
Fade up on Joey's studio-apartment-size dorm room, where she is lying boobs-down on the bed while Eddie sits at the end of it on the floor. They are discussing Catch-22, of which they are sharing a copy of the Golden Anvil Edition ("Now with more parallels to your life!"). Eddie explains how Yossarian's escape is a testament to the power of the individual and blah blah blah, and Joey disagrees and says that Yossarian eventually has to accept the meaninglessness of so forth and so on. Joey insists that Professor Flip-Flops interprets the book the way she does, and Eddie suggests that the class isn't very meaningful if all she does is repeat the opinions the professor expressed. She returns to her usual grade-grubbing as an excuse for her pathetic attempts to parrot the teacher. She reminds Eddie that this final has been made rather important by their mishandling of the previous final. You know what makes a really compelling topic for drama? People's grades. That, and moving your checking account to a different bank in order to have a wider ATM network. Those are pretty much the high points of human drama, as far as I'm concerned.
Comic Relief Audrey comes strolling in, sighs extravagantly, says, "This! Isn't! Happening!" and flops down on the bed. Asked what's wrong, she declares that God is punishing her, and she and Joey take a preposterously long time to exposit that Audrey has been told that because she missed so much class time during her stint in e-ray-ab-hay, she has to come to summer school if she wants to remain at Worthington ("the Harvard of the WB"). I just love that pink fur sit-up pillow Audrey has. It's like someone killed and skinned one of Anna Nicole Smith's dogs. Actually, it was probably her. Audrey whimpers and wails about how she'll be alone for the summer once Joey leaves in a few days. Comic Relief Audrey declares that she's off to "negotiate," and Joey tells her she doubts that the terms are negotiable. If you don't know that Audrey is going to say, "Everything's negotiable," which she does, then you are off your game, big-time. When she's gone, Eddie asks Joey why she's friends with Audrey. "She saved my life once at a bar in Calcutta," Joey says warily. Like, ha ha, everyone Joey knows is such a burden on her poor little shoulders. It's so unfair, considering how kind and loyal and patient she is with everyone she knows. Oh, wait, I forgot something. Like every piece of behavior Joey has ever displayed.
Joey brings up to Eddie the fact that they will be kicked out of the dorm in two days, which causes him to make an odd semi-Chris Farley reference by telling her they can go live in his car down by the river. "That is not the plan," says a blankly grinning Joey. She reminds him that they had decided to go live with Bessie, get jobs, and save some money. Eddie says he doesn't want to listen to her father lecture him about his lack of prospects. Uh, somehow I think you can survive the Potterfamilias and his Hammer Of Judgment. The man feels blessed that there are now walls between his toilet and other people. I think he can handle the disappointment. The exposition is flying fast and furious as Joey reminds Eddie that he's leaving in the fall for a prestigious writing program, and he adds that it's in California. So if they're going to be "ripped apart by geography" in the fall, he thinks they'd better spend the summer doing something better than "bussing tables." Apparently, he is not aware that Capeside in general -- and waiting tables in Capeside in particular -- is a love magnet. Eddie tells her that he in fact has big plans for their summer, but he's not going to tell her what they are until after she finishes her English final. "What if I can't wait that long?" she asks playfully. "I think you can," he says calmly. She scootches up on the bed, leaving the chest section of her shirt left behind and buried under her navel. She threatens to, I guess, sex it out of him, and then they have a really, really unappealing-looking kiss. He finally pulls away from her with a smirk of "Nice try." "You officially suck," she says as he resettles on the floor, leaving her to stew. She goes back to Catch-22. If there weren't literary parallels or kissing, how would this show fill the time?