Episode Report Card Gustave: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Nina's bidding
By Gustave | Season 3 | Episode 9 | Aired on 01.05.2004
The time is 9:10:08 PM. Back at that shed, some new Salazar henchman is trying to extract information from Special Agent Charlie Brown. This new henchman, incidentally, looks like what would happen if porn star Ron Jeremy and painter Diego Velazquez had a child together in a Crisco factory. And they're really trying to bring in the HoYay. Special Agent Charlie Brown's hands are tied, and he's strapped to the rafters above. Some guy is assisting Ron Jeremy, and his biceps bulge as he turns the crank that pulls Special Agent Charlie Brown's arms higher. I'm sorry, but I'm just not turned on. In fact, I'm channeling the Sally Field mini-series Sybil. And that wasn't a sexy movie -- at least not after the Brad Davis character disappeared. They beat him with a metal object, and Charlie's screams can be heard from the front lawn of this farmhouse where Kiefer is standing with Hartmano. "About your partner," says Hartmano. "You must be feeling something." Avoiding eye contact with Hartmano, Kiefer is all, "I have a $50 million payday when this all goes down." Or maybe he said "fifteen." I can't really tell. The Fox recaps say "fifteen," but that seems like a paltry sum of money to sell your country out for. I mean, it's not like Kiefer is a member of Al Qaeda who has never known what indoor plumbing is like. And even those people were offered $20 million to give up Osama Bin Laden. Kiefer maintains that Special Agent Charlie Brown is "on his own." "Is he as tough as you?" asks Hartmano. "He still believes in the lie," says Kiefer. "That what he's doing has purpose."
Back in the master bedroom of Casa Abandoñito, Hector is changing his clothes. Um, when did they have time to unpack, let alone get everyone's luggage up to their rooms? And another thing? Hector looks really hot with his shirt off. I'm not sure I'm even supposed to be admitting this. "Where are you going?" asks Angelina. "Don't leave!" She makes out with him, and while he is in the throes of ecstasy, she surreptitiously grabs his cell phone. They go outside together where Kiefer and Hartmano are waiting. She tries to get close enough to Kiefer to hand him the phone. He can even see it in her hand. But she's stopped by Hector, who has just noticed that his phone is missing. He asks her to go inside and fetch it for him. I knew that wouldn't work. What doofus leaves his house without checking to see that he has his cell phone? Especially when there's a billion-dollar deal in the making. I check to see that I've got my cell phone when I go do laundry, for Christ's sake. Bad plan, Angelina, bad plan! Hector orders everyone into the car while they wait for his cell phone. Without any means of communication with CTU, Kiefer has no choice but to get into the utility vehicle and listen to the screams of Special Agent Charlie Brown. The time is 09:12:49 PM.