Episode Report Card Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Over Before It Even Staah-ted
By Miss Alli | Season 11 | Episode 4 | Aired on 03.10.2007
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close. It's sort of fitting that this episode comes on the selection Sunday of the NCAA tournament, because just like the NCAA tournament is a series of single-elimination games, the race isn't one race so much as it is a series of shorter races, and if you do really badly on one of them, you're easily booted. From the opening moments, this is the episode in which Rob and Amber do essentially everything badly, including a bunch of things that don't even really matter that they screwed up anyway, because it was just that kind of a leg. The Detour option they choose befuddles them because they can't spell "Philippines," and then they change Detours and walk the wrong way, and then they get anti-bunched to the very back of the pack, despite the fact that Mirna and Charla would otherwise be behind them. In the end, they've got a lead on Mirna and Charla -- the former of whom, incidentally, is at the height of her obnoxious assholery -- going into a needle-in-a-haystack Roadblock that just doesn't go well, and is undoubtedly made worse by the fact that Rob is so distracted by being stuck battling for last place. In the end, they finish last in a completely pedestrian ending not at all deserving of the sensational previews, except that IT IS ROB AND AMBER AND OH MY GOD. The irony, of course, is that Uchenna and Mirna, the usual suspects in this regard, have to redraw this ending as a morality play having something to do with karmic punishment for bad deeds, rather than taking the happiness they should take from the fact that it was plain old poor racing, having nothing to do with who's a better person and everything to do with the fact that some people can't spell and can't concentrate once they get behind. Anyway, Rob and Amber are gone, and Mirna and Charla get to stay, and the best thing about the leg was that Danny and Oswald won it. Fortunately, Rob and Amber go out well, smiling and agreeing that they had a very bad leg, and they don't appear to be nearly as unhappy about losing as Mirna is happy about beating them, so maybe that's a net positive for the universe. Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously on Damn: Mirna and Charla escaped elimination.
Credits. I kind of dig it that Team Guido comes right after the galloping horses. I can't really explain why that is, but I feel fairly strongly about it.
Commercials. Okay, PC and Mac. That'll do.
Clouds and guitars inform us that we are still in South America, on our roving tour of same, and specifically, we are in Chile. Phil says that amongst the country's "snow-capped volcanoes," we find Playa Petrohue, a black volcanic beach that served as the third, Kentucky-booting pit stop. Thanks, Playa Petrohue! But... Mirna and Charla are still here, so what have you done for me lately? The teams have all enjoyed their "mandatory rest period," and now Phil wonders whether Rob and Amber will remain in first place indefinitely after three straight victories, because that does seem to be the dominant question of the moment. Much to the dismay of...the internet.
6:11 AM. Rob and Amber. The clue they rip tells them to fly to Punta Arenas, Chile, where they'll take a taxi 15 miles to a shipwreck where their next clue will be located. It sounds like they have $302 for the leg, but it's very hard to tell, because Rob talks like he has someone else's teeth in his mouth. He interviews that he doesn't mean to be "arrogant or cocky" when he says he knows they're the best team. It just seems that way, of course, because of how he says it all the time, and means it, and occasionally raises the roof inside his head. Amber says they have great communication skills, and just might be "peaking." He laughs. "We're not peaking. I'm not even close to my prime." And he looks at her to see if that sounded too stupid, and it totally did, so she laughs and puts her head on his shoulder, because if you love someone, you put your head on his shoulder when he says something stupid.
6:26 AM. Uchenna and Joyce. Joyce talks about how Rob and Amber beat them frequently during TAR7, but not when it mattered. I like how she's kind of proud of this -- "Overall, we tended to lose to them, but we managed to win the one leg that had the big money attached, and that's why we are awesome." Uchenna says there's "a rivalry" there. But he says it's just "healthy competition." He's not at all upset about the private investigators Rob hired. In the car, Joyce talks about their approximate deficit with start times, which is a little under 15 minutes.
6:28 AM. Eric and Danielle. Eric explains that he has to separate out the relationship aspects from everything that happens while they're racing, and then he says he treats Danielle just like a guy, "except she has nicer boobs." You know, there are compliments, and then there's...that. "You're just like a boobed man" is not exactly what I look for from boyfriends, in terms of warm expressions of affection.
Rob and Amber arrive at the airport and are happy to see that Uchenna and Joyce haven't beaten them there, which makes me assume they got at least a little bit lost. Inside, they ask for flights to Punta Arenas, and they get a flight at 9:40 AM. They ask how many seats there are, and they're told that there aren't too many. They get their tickets, and Amber says that maybe they can do some internet research. Maybe they'll find out that the shipwreck ruulz!!1!