Episode Report Card Erin: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT When Good Sketches Go Bad
By Erin | Season 1 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.02.2002
Lois Lame's in his car, babbling into his mini-recorder. What's he say? Hi. This would be me over here, not caring. He drives through a tunnel, and a van speeds up and cuts him off. A bunch of guys in ski masks with voice disguisers jump out of the van and yank Willage from his car. They shove a bag over his head and toss him into the van, leaving Willage's Jeep behind. Um, guys? Might wanna stash that baby off in the woods or something. Or are you just assuming that no one's going to notice an abandoned Jeep with its lights still on in the middle of the tunnel? Whoops. There I go again. Asking realistic questions of a show that I enjoy purely because it has no realism whatsoever...
Now we're off to Tunisia. There are a couple of rather ugly guys on a mini-yacht, talking to each other via walkie-talkies in some language that sort of sounds like Russian. One of them spots Sydney, scooting up to the mini-yacht in a small speedboat. She's made up to resemble Cameron Diaz in Charlie's Angels, complete with short blonde wig and teeny-weeny bikini top. Syd and Dix make silly small talk about Gilligan's Island and sandwiches, and then Dix tells her that he'll let her know when Sark arrives.
Syd makes like a helpless waif, waving at the mini-yacht guys and holding up an empty gas can. Um, isn't she arriving in a boat? Isn't the boat powered by, I don't know, GAS? Oh, like it matters. She pulls up to the mini-yacht, stops her boat, and starts jabbering to the foreign guy in what I think is Dutch or something. Doesn't matter. He's more interested in her boobs than her country of origin. "Gasoline?" asks Foreign Guy #1. "Gasoline!" Sydney trills, getting onto the boat. Then she sprays him in the face with something, and he drops like a sack o' taters. Man, I could really use some of that stuff the next time Ruprecht goes all scotchy on me. "I can't stand the thought of you sleeping with anyone else because I still love you!" "But I don't love you! See how that works?" "You're such a heartless fucking bitch!" "And you're such a useless drunk." "But I still love yooooou!" Pssssst! "Tell it to the floor, nimrod." Hee.
Syd makes her way through the mini-yacht. She spritzes the captain of the boat and he drops. She arrives at the top of the boat and comes upon some fat guy who's shooting vodka like it's water. She tries spritzing him, but I think she'd need a gallon or two to drop this ox, because it has no effect on him, and a fight ensues. Of course, even though he's nine times her size, she still manages to kick his vodka-swilling ass. Syd informs Dix that the boat's secure, and picks the electromagnetic lock on the briefcase that's handcuffed to Ox's wrist. She opens it in a manner of milliseconds and lo and behold, it's the Rambaldi manuscript. She rapidly takes pictures of the pertinent pages.
Uh-oh. Looks like she missed someone. A brawny foreign guy is moving through the boat and notices the floored captain. Syd finishes her photo session just as Brawny comes up the stairs to the upper deck. Thinking quickly, Syd grabs the ox and pretends that they're deeply embroiled in some serious heavy petting. Brawny's all, hmmm...what's THIS all about? Syd motions for Brawny to come on over and join them. Brawny's waaaay into this idea. He walks over, she spritzes him, he falls, and she grabs the manuscript. Syd tells Dix she's got the book, and Dix tells Syd that Sark has arrived. Syd declares that she's taking the boat. Dix tells her that he'll meet her at the airport dock. Sark, with Kassar in tow, walks up to the end of the dock in time to see the boat, and thereby the manuscript, speeding off. He just stands there and watches it go. Why he doesn't go after it is completely baffling to me. But many many things that happen during this show baffle me, so why should this little wrinkle be any different?