Episode Report Card Demian: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Somewhere, Sigmund Freud spins in his grave
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.21.2001
Back at the manor, Patty does her best to restore the top tier of the mangled wedding cake. The Dolt wonders where Prue could be, given that the police should have released her from custody now that they have the Evil Smoker behind bars. Cole suggests the police might still be holding her on the earlier charge of "escaping custody." Victor, shining a flashlight on his dead ex-wife's handiwork with the cake, asks if they can turn the lights back on. Phoebe replies in the negative, noting that the SWAT team "cut the power line." Grams reenters in a swirl of glowing golf balls to tell Patty TPTB are calling her home. Phoebe protests they still have "five more minutes" before the witching hour hits. This would be midnight to you and me, by the way. Victor regrets not being able to convince Piper to rethink her decision about the wedding. Patty reassures her live ex-husband that what he did say to their daughter was "perfect." Prue and Darryl enter the manor, followed by Piper. "Don't look so shocked," Piper smirks at the Dolt as she sweeps past him toward the altar. Grams announces, "It's showtime!"
Prue assists Piper with her veil as Piper takes her place next to the Dolt. Victor sidles up to the Dolt, offering his services as best man, which the Dolt happily accepts. Piper beams. Phoebe worries that with no power in the manor, they won't have any music for the ceremony. Grams tosses a little TK at the wind chimes, which proceed to tinkle out Pachelbel's Canon. Prue, grinning, slyly asks if they could get better lighting as well. The Dolt complies with her request, popping a white ball from his hand towards the ceiling. The ball breaks off into five shimmering segments that form a sparkly, cascading Whitelighter chandelier. Grams clears her throat to begin the Handfasting ritual. Because I am so devoted to you, my dear, sweet readers, I will transcribe what is said, despite the fact it all threatens to make me violently ill. Grams tells the assemblage they are "gathered [there] today to unite two souls as one." She asks Piper and the Dolt if they "join [the ceremony] of their own free will to acknowledge the eternal bond shared by both of [them]." Piper and the Dolt respond, "I do," in turn. Grams tells them to face each other and hold hands. She then instructs the Dolt to recite his vows.
The Dolt: "Piper, through all the tears and struggles, I always knew in my heart we would make it here. I promise to love and respect you from this point forward as your husband, as my wife, my lover, my friend, and my [Do I really have to type this crap?] soul mate. [Christ on a stick. I feel so unclean.] All I am is yours."