Episode Report Card Pamie: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Turning Thirty
By Pamie | Season 3 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.30.2000
"Forget it. I am not going to celebrate this." Ally is throwing a tantrum in the meeting room as everyone tells her that she should celebrate this "milestone" in her life. Nelle says that she plans on celebrating when she turns thirty, "Years from now." Ally says that she doesn't enjoy being thirty. New Guy (who I'm just naming Creepy Teeth here from now on) says that Ally's obviously had "a few years to get used to it." He says that he loves smile lines but doubt that hers arrived "ahead of schedule." He mentions that Heather Locklear admitted that she's forty, so he doesn't know what Ally's problem is. She jumps on the table and begins attacking Creepy Teeth. Fire her! Fire her! FIRE. HER. Man, they just don't care anymore. She attempts to attack Creepy Teeth again, but they hold her back. Fire her. Nelle asks what's wrong with her. "Oh! He called me forty! You heard him!" I hate her. Richard says they'll "deal with that later," and mentions the one court case that's going to keep the firm fed and clothed for the next week. Creepy Teeth calls John "The Cookie" which cracks me up, and then calls him "Jim" twice. Richard puts Ally on third chair. Creepy Teeth does not want Ally on his case. It's some sort of murder case and everyone is arguing about whether Ally should be on the case. Richard puts a newspaper in front of Ally's head and tells Creepy Teeth that if he ever wants to make partner, he's going to have to learn how to lie. Richard removes the newspaper and Creepy Teeth says that he can't imagine doing the case without Ally. Ally says she has an appointment at 9:30 and that she'll have to meet them at the courthouse. Creepy Teeth asks what the appointment is for. For once, Ally is right in saying that it's none of his business. Ally lisps that she'll meet them there and my back arches up as Vonda starts wailing about blowing out candles. From the time Ally stopped attacking people to the moment Vonda opened her weird mouth this was a good scene. I'm enjoying the sped up pacing in lines. Go co-writer, go co-writer, go.
Ally is tugging on her eyelids and staring in a handheld mirror. At least she's not pulling on her mouth. The doctor walks in. It's Billy's neurosurgeon. Ally says that she was a friend of Billy's. He says, "Yes. Blew that one, huh?" Yuk, yuk, yuk. Ally asks if he also does plastic surgery. He says there's "more money in plastic." He starts taking a look at her but she stammers that she thought she was going to see a cosmetic professional. He makes the "it's not brain surgery" joke that just walked in my apartment from a mile away. "Plus, I'm sure it's fun to have patients that live," Ally grins. She then apologizes, because now she's allowed to make jokes about Dead Billy because she can summon his ghost whenever she wants, but other people really can't. He asks what he can do for her. She says she was thinking about collegen. She asks about fat injections. He says that fat gets "lumpy." She shows him the lines by her eyes and stammers that she knows he probably can't see them and that it's mostly mental, but he says he can see them from where he's sitting. He tells her to lie down and that they'll take care of it right then and there. I'm ignoring this bizarre Doctor World much like I ignore the bizarre Lawyer World they try and pass off on us each week. She says that she has to be in court in half an hour. He says it'll "just take a minute."