Episode Report Card Potes: B | 1 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Rotten Tomatoes
By Potes | Season 4 | Episode 5 | Aired on 05.20.2012
We move from this horrible scene to the nearly as horrible footage of Joe Gorga and Richie working out in the gym. Kathy blames the fact that Joe suppresses his anger and frustration for his outburst with Teresa, specifically him telling her to fuck off. It's a real bunch of charmers, here, isn't it? Joe actually feels guilty for calling his sister an effing bitch, and depressed that he can't tell her that he loves her. Well, maybe she inferred it from, "You're a fucking bitch"? Like it's Italian code or something?
And then it's time to catch up with fat fatty fat fat Lauren. She's SO FAT, everyone. And no one likes to remind us of that more than Caroline, who also likes to remind us that she was super tiny her whole life, except for all of the years in which we've seen her on this show. It's no wonder Lauren has a complex. Whatever! She's totally gorgeous and looks great! As she and Alfred hit some golf balls at the saddest driving range ever, Lauren expresses her frustration about her weight to Albert. She doesn't think it's fair that she got stuck with his bum metabolism while the stupid boys can eat boxes and boxes of Oreos and look just fine. Chris tells us that he's actually gained some weight himself, and he and Lauren are just going to have to learn to deal with the fact that Albie is the hot one. I mean... you can't really argue with his point there. Alfred tells us that he was silently glad that Lauren was chubby throughout her high school years because he didn't want her to get laid. Awesome. And then he says to her, "Would you be more attractive if you were thinner? I guess!" Wow, there's nothing like a Manzo's unconditional love. Caroline says, "This world is cruel." As we have just seen! She recounts the tale of how Lauren had to be escorted to her junior prom by Albie because she couldn't get a date. And... okay. Plenty of people of all sizes get dates! Let's chalk this one up to Lauren's low self-esteem, which has its root in her parents saying things like, "Would you be more attractive if you were thinner? I guess!" Lauren points out that her dad can give all the advice he wants, but he has a freaking lap band so shouldn't give her grief about hating her stupid liquid diet.
Oh no, and now we're back to Teresa. Juicy works out in his basement gym and gets a thick layer of 'roid sweat, while Teresa calls Jacqueline. And... among the many reasons to worry about Teresa this season is the fact that she is orange as a cantaloupe. Ease up on the tanning, lady! Teresa recounts all the pool party drama, and how she didn't want to get into it with her brother in front of her kids. She explains that she always wants her daughters to see her happy, so they in turn will believe they have a charmed life. Jacqueline is like, "Duh, have you met Gia?" She reminds Teresa that tomorrow is field day at her house, and it might be weird because the Gorgas will be there. Teresa says no, that she'll come and be fine. She adds that Juicy isn't going to come, which we can all agree is a good thing.