Episode Report Card Potes: B | 1 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Rotten Tomatoes
By Potes | Season 4 | Episode 5 | Aired on 05.20.2012
Jacqueline then picks up Lauren so they can go shopping for workout clothes. En route, Lauren says that she wants to lose 45 pounds, and Jacqueline looks concerned as she says that Lauren will be bones. Lauren wants to look like a lollipop, so is cool with that. Jacqueline tells us what we already know, which is that Lauren is a much more enjoyable young woman to be around than Ashley, even with the diet crankiness. Lauren talks about wanting to get a breast reduction, and we learn that Jacqueline had two and looked awesome afterwards. Caroline doesn't want Lauren to get the reduction, because she doesn't want to be the only big-boobed lady in the joint. But no sports bra will even fit her! Your boobs, your choice, Lauren.
It's then time to catch up with Teresa again, this time with all four of her daughters in matching overalls. I don't even know, everybody. The little terrorist Milania calls one of her sisters an idiot, and tells her to shut up. Hmmm, I wonder where she picked that up. Gia then busts out with the fact that she thinks it's time to go bra shopping, and says, "You notice a difference, don't you?" Teresa cops a feel, and tells Gia that she's totally flat, so should get over it. We then get regaled about tales of how Teresa's parents were very old-school and told her nothing about anything, and how Teresa wore pads until she got married and because she didn't want a tampon to take her virginity. I am being serious, here. Gia says that she's wearing tampons and not pads, and that she learned about all of this in the Just for Girls book that Teresa got her. Teresa then tells Juicy that Gia wants to go bra shopping, and he tells her that the baby has bigger boobs than her. Awesome. In any case, Teresa knows that a lot of Gia's friends are getting bras, and even though she doesn't really need one, they can go shopping anyway. See, I actually think she's kind of a good mom, although I wish we had some illustrations of this that didn't involve so much tampon devirginization talk. Gia then tells Teresa that she didn't get boobs until she was 23, which is why she needed a boob job. The brat has a point, I guess.
And then it's time for field day! Albie, Chris and Greg help Jacqueline get ready, which really means making sure everyone will be boozed up enough to deal with the inevitable fallout between Teresa and the Gorgas. Jacqueline is hoping that a good, old-fashioned three-legged race will bring Teresa and Joe back together for keeps. Meanwhile, Lauren gets a little stank about the fact that everyone is trying to ply her with booze when she can't have booze. Or food. Greg offers to give her a salmon-twig shake, which does not go over well.