Episode Report Card Cate: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I Love Lucy
By Cate | Season 7 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.09.2003
Kevin tells Lucy that he's independently wealthy. What a magical, beautiful fairy tale this has turned into! He doesn't tell us how he got his money or admit that it's thoroughly unlikely that two Camdens would score themselves rich spouses. But just like in a fairy tale, you'll have to suspend your disbelief. After all, it's not like anything else in this episode has been very realistic. Lucy borrows Kevin's cell phone to call Matt and Mary, and Kevin says he will be right back. Bobby Short keeps singing his heart out, even though the only person left in the room is Lucy, and she's not even listening to him.
Kevin runs into Chandler and stops to chat. RevBong explains the incredibly foolish situation wherein he has to wait to ask Roxanne to marry him because Lucy might be getting engaged tonight. Instead of snickering over the stupidity, the T-1000 claims that Roxanne is "a nice woman." He manages to say it in a way that somehow implies that Lucy is not. Chandler manages to insult all women when he snidely says, "Female logic is fascinating." I wonder why Brenda hates women so much.
I guess Peter's mother, Paris, decided that her son's offer was too enticing to resist, so she's rushed over to meet Ben. Peter coyly advises him not to do "anything crazy," since Paris is his mom. How obvious can you get? Especially when Ruthie and Peter leave for the living room to give the potential couple privacy to fall in love and get engaged.
In the living room, Ruthie practically asks Peter to kiss her, but he won't. He says, "I'm not gonna kiss you and risk never seeing you again." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean, and quite frankly, I don't care. When Peter says, "I'll decide when we kiss," Ruthie is bowled over by his manly, take-charge attitude.
Ben has obviously just asked Paris to kiss him. What the fuck? How long have these people known each other? Has it even been a minute? Paris explains that she hasn't been dating since her divorce. She starts to explain some other boring stuff but then cuts herself off and kisses Ben. Ma Kinkirk walks into the kitchen and smiles indulgently at the couple while shaking her head. She interrupts the making out to ask Ben, "What is it with you and kitchens?" Then she departs. Ben is left to explain that his mother "recently caught [him] in the kitchen with a woman." Paris does not look impressed to know that he still lives with his mommy. It doesn't take long for her to get over it, though, and start making out with him again.
Lucy is admiring her diamond some more when Roxanne walks into the room. After apologizing for acting nasty earlier, Lucy holds out her left hand so that Roxanne can admire her diamond also. Lucy figures out that Roxanne asked Chandler not to propose. Short of being psychic, I have no idea how she'd do that. But again, I don't care. I'm too mesmerized by how Lucy's weirdly curling hair defies gravity. Suddenly noticing the song Bobby Short has been singing throughout this entire scene, Roxanne asks Lucy to dance. Lucy happily accepts. RevBong and the T-1000 come in and watch, except Kevin says he's not comfortable with this. Whoever designed his circuitry obviously doesn't know much about the average heterosexual man.