Episode Report Card Demian: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Desperate Crackmonkeys
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.15.2005
Preschool Of The Damned. Evil Michelle Stafford, cuddling the dead-eyed Psycho in her lap, disparages the peanut-butter-and-jelly-on-whole-wheat sandwich Glamour Piper had prepared for the brat and, after conjuring a cookie for him to snack on instead, urges the Psycho to orb the sandwich into the trash. The Psycho complies. "Good job!" Evil Michelle Stafford enthuses, rocking him back and forth. "Let's do that again!"
Vex Pexter's Physically Impossible Garret. Raige emerges from the elevator, plants herself in the hallway outside his door, mutters a few words of encouragement to herself, and glamours into Sylvia form before entering the physically impossible garret without knocking. How does she even know he's there? Oh, fuck it. This show is useless. Long story short, Raige-as-Sylvia makes a complete ass out of herself but does, in the process, learn that Vex and Sylvia have had zero involvement with each other for the better part of three months. I must admit, Alana De La Garza did a pretty damn good job imitating Rose McGowan's bizarre vocal inflections and awkward, oddly phrased line readings during this scene, but she really should have worked a little harder on mastering the more twitchy elements of McGowan's physical performance. You know, for believability's sake. After all, I'm sure there had to be some star-spangled Floridian snow cones lying around the set to provide her with the necessary motivation and skills. In any event, the Feebs enters during all of this, and Rylvia completely blows her cover by addressing the new arrival by the latter's real name. Phoebe shoots her eyebrows skywards at this but remains silent about it all, even after Rylvia's exited. Out in the hall, Rylvia glamours back down into Raige, who spasmodically lurches out of the frame.
Not!warts, where we find The Retard and the Dolt emerging from Snidely's old office clad in the fey henchdemons' clothing. And I'll just be assuming they sporked those two guys off-screen with a handy athame, or something, because leaving alive dangerous entities that can squiggle or smoke from place to place would simply be criminally stupid in this situation. Though, of course, they would have had to have sporked the fey henchdemons after stripping the latter of their clothes, because as we all know, demonic togs tend to travel with their owners when those owners are dispatched to The Waste Land. From which they can never return. Except for tonight. I hate this show. The Dolt and The Retarded Bimbo exchange a few zippy remarks before heading into the library in search of the much-needed transportation spell.
Once there, the Dolt's dismayed to find the books piled haphazardly on the shelves, which means they could be searching for the correct volume for quite some time. The Retard, meanwhile, is far more interested in the ongoing preparations for Fiendish Elizabeth's intended ritual. Just as she draws the Dolt's attention to the inverted pentagram that Fiendish Elizabeth's greasily poofy primary henchdemon has painted on the far wall, Evil Michelle Stafford smears into the room with the dead-eyed Psycho clutching at one of her hands. "Welcome home, sweetie pie!" Evil Michelle Stafford gushes. The Psycho remains -- natch -- dead-eyed and mute. The flabbergasted Dolt gapes all the way into the next commercial break.