Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Ushering in the crap
By Alex Richmond | Season 7 | Episode 10 | Aired on 11.24.2002
Usher and Eric are all set up and doing the show. Usher is all, Warren's on the line. Warren asks where the hell Eric came from, as he sounds "too old to be a college student." Eric says that "for the last twenty years" he was a minister at a church, and therefore equipped to help. He left his job. Warren, nobody's fool, is all, you got fired, huh? Corporate downsizing, bad. "Companies have to remember that old guys aren't old and useless, they're usually somebody's dad and stuff." Which is why he called; he's worried about his dad. Eric insists that he wasn't fired, that he quit. Warren asks who replaced him, an older or younger "dude." Younger. "You were downsized, dude." Usher bites his fist (not a Twix cookie bar) to hold back laughter. Eric is all, let's see who else is on the line! Usher says Carl is on the line. Eric remembers Carl, who called in earlier, upset that his girlfriend broke up with him. How's that going? Well, not so good. Carl, who has the same stilted manner of speaking that Chandler...Hampton has, says he's sad and depressed and he just wanted to call to say...he's going to...commit suicide. Eric is all, what was that? He'd be "better off dead," Carl says. No reason to live. Here comes death. Wine is fine, but liquor's quicker. Suicide is the only way out. Click! Usher grabs the phone in his booth and is all, "C-C-Carl?" Then he turns to Eric and shakes his head "no," just like we saw in the ads all week. Eric fondles his headphones, then slumps. Not heavy, eh, Usher?
The detective who took Roxanne's new partner request sits on the phone and tells Eric there's "nothing more they can do," other than put a trace on the radio's phone line. The number Carl left with Usher was a fake. And I guess *69 doesn't work. Or the radio station doesn't have caller ID or anything modern like that. Eric hangs up, and Usher comes in with a sad face. He hopes Carl calls back so that Eric can draw him out and talk to him. Eric, center of the universe, asks if it was more than a coincidence that Eric started today. Oh, of course not. Carl's longing for death is merely just a ploy to get Eric back to his flock, basically. Usher nods and shrugs, then sits down and finally says that Carl has been calling all week, with each call "getting more intense." So he talked to Lucy and decided Eric would be the right person to help. And though he "didn't mean to hire [Eric] under false pretenses," he's really glad Eric is there. Eric laughs and shrugs and says it's all right. "Ha ha," suicide!
CamPound. Candyland is spread out all over the kitchen table. It's the most silent, un-fun game ever. A SamVid makes a move, and Lucy explodes and says she won't play anymore since it "cheat[s]." A SamVid swears it doesn't cheat. The other SamVid says yes, he cheats. Drink! Lucy is out of there, and Ruthie goes to the fridge and serves the Borg ice-cream cones. Then Jake knocks on the door. We get three rounds of "what are you doing here?" Jake is all, today's the day! The day of your non-restricted freedom. Jake says he wishes he "could have done the time for" Ruthie. Now we can hang out as much as we want! And he can stay for dinner tonight too! Ruthie is all, ha ha, that's great! But she's lying. She doesn't want to hang out with Jake at all. For some reason, she can't just SAY it to him. Which is sick and wrong, and totally SevHev.