Episode Report Card Potes: B+ | 27 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT That's (The Opposite Of) Amore
By Potes | Season 5 | Episode 8
Back in Jersey, Caroline tells Lauren about the call and the situation in the Adirondikes. Lauren finds it interesting that Teresa tells Caroline to stay out of her business, but then asks for help. Caroline pretends that she doesn't want to go, even though getting to pontificate in the center of all the drama is her raison d'etre. Lauren asks, "What if this is a plot for them to kill you?" which actually would make the whole thing a LOT more interesting.
After a break, it's not even breakfast and Richie is already drunk. This bodes well. A car pulls up with Dr. Va-jay-jay, who looks absolutely insane. She is obviously perfect for this crowd of degenerates. Dr. Va-jay-jay explains that she's Italian in her vagina. I don't even know what that means. But I guess she's Italian enough or fame-whorey enough for Teresa to think that she's of use. And she can't be worse than Steve and Stephanie. Teresa explains to Dr. Va-ja-jay that her brother called her scum, and wants her to admit to something that she didn't do -- namely set up Melissa in last season's finale. Dr. Va-jay-jay says it sounds like a lot of what Teresa tells people is consistently misinterpreted, which is a problem. At some point, she says, you have to ask, "What the fuck is wrong with me?" There are so, so many answers to that question.
As Joe Gorga sits at the breakfast table in a fucking Poison t-shirt, Dr. Va-jay-jay tells Teresa that she did have something to do with the rumors at the Posche fashion show, and it's not good. She wants Teresa to say that she got into a situation where she didn't really understand what was happening. And then she starts asking if Teresa took care of her brother when he was younger, which she did, and speculating that Teresa is desperate trying to protect him from the choices he's making -- like his wife. At that moment, the Wakiles come down and meet Dr. Va-jay-jay. Melissa is skeptical that Dr. Va-jay-jay can handle them, but Dr. Va-jay-jay seems very confident. She sits at the table and mentions the rumor, saying that it must have been very hurtful to Melissa. Teresa comes back and Melissa stops talking about it, but Dr. Va-jay-jay tells her to keep it going. And then there's just a lot of bickering back and forth between Teresa and Melissa, until Rosie eventually asks where they're going with this conversation.
Dr. Va-jay-jay says that nothing will be solved if they think that one person is the problem. She wants to start basic, with feelings, and asks to talk to each moron individually. Joe doesn't think this is going to work, because Teresa is evil. But he talks to Dr. Va-jay-jay anyway. She asks why he thinks that Teresa set up the whole weekend, and he basically thinks she did it to get the credit. He admits that he called her scum, which has something to do with the cheating rumors. Dr. Va-jay-jay conjectures that this isn't really about Melissa, but about Teresa's lack of trust in Joe to make good decisions for himself. She wonders if it has to do with the fact that Teresa had to take care of and protect Joe for his whole life, and he admits that it's a possibility. Dr. Va-jay-jay asks Joe if he wants to make it work, and he says that he doesn't, since Teresa is now once of his worst enemies. In that case, there's not much point for him to loiter in the Adirondikes. Dr. Va-jay-jay wants to bring Teresa back, and for Joe to tell her that he's not ready to give a go at this.