Episode Report Card Potes: B+ | 27 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT That's (The Opposite Of) Amore
By Potes | Season 5 | Episode 8
The Wakiles and Gorgas eat at the castle restaurant and talk about duck tits. Richie wonders again what all the black stuff is, and we learn the truth -- that it is indeed Joe Gorga's spray on hair!!! Nailed it. And no wonder Melissa was so anxious to put his hat back on. Why in the world would he ever wear all white in this scenario, though? AND why bother using spray-on hair if you're wearing a hat? So many mysteries to unfold. Meanwhile, Juicy and Teresa are taking a bubble bath together. Some poor waiter has to bring in a bottle of champagne, and then Teresa tells us how she's going to bone Joe for defending her honor. Back at the dinner table, Kathy has a moment of sympathy for Steve and Stephanie and Richie complains about how Teresa wouldn't open up today. Melissa interjects to say, "Listen, I was open. You couldn't open me any wider." Soooo….yeah. And while we're on the topic, Juicy talks about how he's going to give it to Teresa rough even though she doesn't like it, so that's good times all around.
The next morning, there are mimosas. I'm sure that's going to be great for everyone. Rosie and the Wakiles have morning robe-wearing talking times, and Rosie seems to think that the fisticuffs may have cleared the air a bit. She is just a human who is comfortable with violence. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing, especially in her context. Meanwhile, Teresa gets out of the bed to get coffee and Juicy announces his intention to jerk off a few more times. So, great. Sometimes I look at all my life choices and how they led to this moment, wherein I am recapping a scene about how a man named Juicy Joe is planning to spank it the morning after battling someone with spray-on hair, and I just can't pinpoint exactly where it all went wrong.
Teresa then calls Caroline, asking for help. She explains about the fight, and eventually asks Caroline to come to the Adirondikes. Oh jeez, great idea. Caroline tells us that Teresa doesn't like to ask for help, so this call is heavy. It must be bad, she says, and Teresa must be scared. Caroline agrees to come up if she can, and I do actually think she stands a better chance than Steve and Stephanie. Melissa and Joe, meanwhile, continue to hate on Teresa, and talk about how she doesn't give a shit about either Joe, but only cares about her cookbook deal and her cheesy and ill-fated endorsement deals. Melissa wants to leave the Adirondikes for good, but Joe remains non-committal.