Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: B | 122 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead
By Cindy McLennan | Season 5 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.24.2013
Matt's a little miffed that Bonnie won't pick up the phone. He has sent her "...like 300 emails this summer, and she writes back twice. Did I do something to piss her off?" You, Matthew? UN-possible. Jeremy tries to continue covering, but the urgency of Matt's repeated pleas for help break his resolve. Without explanation, Jeremy says he has to go and nearly runs out of the house, leaving poor Pudding Pop all alone with his demons.
Back at the Grill, Elena is drinking publicly while she questions Damon's ability to help Stefan. This town is such a joke. Seriously? It's not like Elena is an anonymous resident of this town. Anyhow, she wants to call in Bonnie, but Damon wants to give Stefan a little time to be carefree, without the hundred years of guilt that's usually weighing down on him. Elena points out that the guilt came from his blood addiction, which could still be hard-wired in his brain. All of a sudden, neither Stefan nor the cute waitress are around. We cut to the...
Kitchen. Stefan compels the waitress into silence, and does the stereotypical villain pre-confession, all the while eyeing his prey's neck. It's effectively creepy, and I still think Paul Wesley must be having a lot of fun, because I'm having so much fun watching him. Just after Stefan's fangs emerge, Damon Stealth Salvatores in and pushes him off the girl. "Today? I'm the safe brother." If you've ever doubted Damon loved Stefan, that confession should make you question your doubts. Damon Salvatore just admitted to being safe. Sure, he qualified it with a today, but I bet he died a little inside. Commercial.
Elena and Damon take Stefan to the cemetery, where people are pounding shots and ringing bells. Noticing a tombstone, Stefan asks, "What kind of name is Honoria Fell?" Damon shushes his little brother. "You're kinda the one that killed her."
Inside the Salvatore family crypt, Damon says they need to minimize Stefan's contact with people, until Stefan's brain is sorted. Stefan asks if there's anyone buried in the crypt whom he didn't kill. Damon says, "Well, we've covered our father, who art in hell." He rings a bell and adds, "Uncle Zach, my bad," then rings the bell, again. "On the bright side, our mother died of consumption." Well, slap my ass and call me Mimi. Before the stupid bell ritual can continue, Damon gets a text and announces, "I've gotta go see a man about a witch. Party on without me." He leaves Stefan the bottle of booze and Elena the bell. I just want to know which Salvatore survived long enough to spawn the line that eventually produced "Uncle" Zach.