Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Ally and Victor Bite the Dust
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.28.2002
The office. Ally takes her messages from Elaine, which include three from Victor saying he "loves" her "ass." Miss Bump pops up and says she loves it, too. Elaine and Ally wheel and watch her go, wondering if Liza is "hetero" and noting that she is "cute." Elaine drawls, "Yeees, she isss." Then, back to business: the deposition for JBJ's suit is at 3 PM today. Today? Yes. And these roses are from JBJ, "also in appreciation of [Ally's] ass." Dame Edna sniffs the roses, pronounces them "lovely," then SNIFFS ALLY'S ASS and says she has a "lovely" aroma, too. Oh, barf. I mean, does anyone need this in their life? Dame Edna sniffing Ally's ass? Ally smiles, happy to have her aroma appreciated. Barf.
The Uni. Richard is venting to Corretta and Ray about his unfulfilled lust for Miss Bump. Ray tells Richard to go for it; Richard says she'd "own [him] in ten minutes," and that he "get[s] addicted to girls like that." Ray says she owns him now. Miss Bump then prances in, and shoves Corretta away to get inside John's hole to work out. Richard pops a tiny boner when he realizes that she'll be in there...sweating. Richard drools, then says sweat "is the sexiest thing on a woman." Is barf sexy? Because if it is, I am looking super-hot right now.
Nelle, New Guy Wilson, and the President of Vice sit at a table facing a lawyer, the girlfriend, and a videotape of naughty sexual acts that may or may not be suitable for younger viewers. It's blackmail, says Nelle. They could just go to the police. And they could just sell the tape on eBay, says the lawyer. Wow, do you really have to hire lawyers to help you blackmail rich vice-presidents of unnamed industries? The world is so going to hell. The President of Vice witheringly says, "Can you live with yourself?" Apparently he made the tape "as a valentine to our love." But two weeks later, he dumped the blackmailer for "another secretary." Aww! So, the $25,000 she's asking for is "fair." Yeah. They rise and saunter out. Nelle and Wilson pop in the tape, which shows the blackmailer on top of the President of Vice, humping away as he groans and trills beneath her. Wilson says maybe they can "out-scum" the blackmailer. Great.
Ally's office. Victor says that he "just wanted to paint," and that she cared more about it than he did, because they were "boyfriend and girlfriend." Ally starts speaking quickly, mentioning that boyfriends and girlfriends "tend to care about each other," and how dare he paint cellulite on her ass! He says he started that before he even ever saw her ass. She says he "projected" the fat on there, "based on what, one lonely little wrinkle?" Yes, you wrinkly, cellulite-ridden unattractive hag, ha ha ha! JBJ says he thinks the art dealer is "more upset about losing" him as a boyfriend. Ally asks if he ever painted her. JBJ wonders if maybe Ally being his lawyer will be difficult. Oh no. No, it should be "fine." Fine!