Episode Report Card M. Giant: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The EMP Strikes Back
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 13 | Aired on 03.13.2005
Grayadder asks Kiefer what the plan is. You're going to love it. Kiefer explains that CTU knows they're in trouble and can't contact home base. He's also sure that CTU's satellites observed the military helicopter's arrival. Now all they need to do is start a firefight big enough to force the commandos to break radio silence, which will alert CTU to their location. Uh-huh. I love the mental flow chart Kiefer uses to come up with plans. It probably goes like this:
Question A: Will it work? If no, proceed to question B. If yes, proceed to question B. If maybe, proceed to question B.
Question B: Does it involve running and shooting? If yes, proceed with plan. If no, devise new plan.
Grayadder thinks Kiefer's out of his mind. Kiefer bright-sides, "We have a positional advantage, and we only have to hold out until CTU gets here."
Meanwhile, Mujibro and Sirajunior have finished their confab. Sirajunior announces, "We're staying." Kiefer and Grayadder exchange a look. Kiefer want to be sure they know what they're getting into: "I can't force you to leave your own property, but this is not just a bunch of looters. This is a very dangerous situation. I cannot guarantee your safety." Mujibro says, "For years we've been blamed for the attacks by these terrorists. We grew up in this neighborhood. This country's our home." "If you're fighting the people who caused today's bloodshed," Sirajunior adds, "then we'll help you. As you know, the American Muslim community stands beside its fellow Americans in denouncing and resisting all forms of terrorism." It's 7:22:26. During the commercials, Kiefer will probably neither explain that MF did not directly cause the nuclear plant meltdown, nor remark that he can probably do without the help of two guys who couldn't defend a gun store against a single man who wasn't even armed when he rushed them.
I would have thought that nobody could have kept me from seeing Sin City, but Brittany Murphy might. By, you know, being in it.
7:26:42. Old MFer's in the field, Bitchelle is on the floor (not that way), and Kiefer and his guys are getting set up in the store window. Back at CTU, it looks like that living-room office is the one that DaD has co-opted for his own use this evening. He's on the phone saying, "I agree, the President should stay in the air at least another hour if not longer. If he wants to speak to the nation he should do it from Air Force One." That sound you just heard was the show putting on a Pee-Wee Herman voice and saying, "I meant to do that." DoDder walks in and hands him an update on the meltdown from earlier. "It's not quite as bad as we'd feared," she says. Hey, that's great. Maybe it means someone will be able to get to the corpse of Lispy Skip's mom before it starts glowing. "How you doing?" DaD asks her. He invites her to sit down, and she does so, looking like she's holding a soap bubble between her butt-cheeks. DaD asks whether there's any word from Kiefer or Grayadder. "I can't imagine how hard this must be for you," he says. Judging by his smirk, he's not trying that hard. He can see there's something else bothering her. She tells him about Kiefer's questioning Grayadder. "Kiefer was pretty rough?" DaD asks. "Very," says DoDder. DaD says that's Kiefer's job, and he had to make sure. "You have to believe that Kiefer had no choice," he says. But the way he says it, it's like he's telling her to believe it for her own sake, rather than because it's true. Which is probably more honest anyway. DoDder says it was a shock (heh) to see that side of Kiefer, and starts weeping as DaD gruffly says, "We need people like that." Ugh, don't get me started. Hearing even a fictional cabinet-level official say that gives me the shivers. "Kiefer is an incredible man," she sobs. DaD prods, "But you're not sure you feel the same as you did before, is that it?" DoDder nods. Okay! Good talk!
7:28:46. Special Agent Breck is sitting at her computer, stealing glances at Bitchelle. Dammit, she left, she's thinking. I'm supposed to be the hot, ethnically ambiguous brunette around here now, not her. Finally she decides that the best defense is a good offense, and descends upon Bitchelle. She mentions the false accusation against her (which Bitchelle knows about) and her deal with Driscoll (which Bitchelle doesn't know about; as Bitchelle says, "Her daughter just died. I think she's got other things on her mind"). It's like a Two Stars, One Slot played out before our very eyes, as Special Agent Breck harangues Bitchelle about her pay raise and the expunge…ment (?) of her arrest, and Bitchelle tries to blow her off. Special Agent Breck, foolishly thinking she's punching her weight, threatens to go to DaD for backup. Whatever; DaD's busy talking to his Special Policy Advisor about the boyfriend he didn't know she had until today. Bitchelle slowly stands up and glares at her challenger. "Secretary Heller doesn't run CTU," she says dangerously. "I do. And I am ordering you to go back to work." Special Agent Breck refuses to back down. Oh, Special Agent Breck. I know Bitchelle. I've recapped Bitchelle. Bitchelle was my favorite Season Three character. Special Agent Breck, you are no Bitchelle. And Bitchelle proves it by calling the Redshirts to have Special Agent Breck thrown out. "I need people whose minds are on their jobs. Yours isn't." "You'll be sorry for this," Special Agent Breck threatens as she's led out. Maybe so, but not until much, much later. Bitchelle's already over it. Soul Patch curiously watches Special Agent Breck leave.