Episode Report Card M. Giant: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The EMP Strikes Back
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 13 | Aired on 03.13.2005
Kiefer leaves Grayadder leaning against a wall and runs around a corner of the building to watch the helicopter set down on the lawn. He runs back to Grayadder, who's dragging ass, and drags his ass off the property. And thanks, writers, for giving me one of my wishes.
It's 7:16:56 as armed, armored mercenaries from the helicopter, led by a Handsome Black Commando, run across the lawn to meet Old MFer. He suits up to join them while handing the Handsome Black Commando security-camera stills of Grayadder and Kiefer. They must have been printed before the EMP went off. For that matter, Old MFer may well have called in the commandos in advance too, which doesn't say much for his opinion of the guards in his building. Old MFer says, "We need to erase these two men and recover the document." He warns that one of them is a federal agent. "You want us to kill a federal agent?" Handsome Black Commando asks. Old MFer "explains," "He went bad. Started helping the terrorists and dragged the company into it." Handsome Black Commando warns that the LAPD will be on its way, so they'll have to work fast. Which means keeping in touch. He hands Old MFer a fresh walkie-talkie, just as another commando reports, "We just spotted two men headed east on Addison." The small army begins mobilizing to take down the guy who can barely walk and the guy who's practically carrying him. I bet this company never has outstanding receivables for very long.
Kiefer and Grayadder have already made it to what has already become the heart of the looting district. Kiefer spots a sporting goods store across the street, and drags Grayadder in that direction. "Weapons and ammunition," he explains. But when they're within a few yards of the door, someone in the store hollers at them to get away. Kiefer drops Grayadder and dives to the side just as a shotgun blast from inside blows a hole in the door. See? Weapons and ammunition. Kiefer was right. "Get out of here, or the next one won't miss!" shouts the unfriendly shopkeeper. "I'm a federal agent!" Kiefer angrily yells back as he reloads. He says he needs help, but the shopkeeper isn't hearing it. Kiefer holsters his gun and backs away, hands up: "I'm leaving," he says, but then he rushes the door. Man, such a bad idea. He doesn't know if the door is locked, or how far away the armed man behind it is, or if there's more than one guy with a gun on the other side. Lucky for him, the answers turn out to be: no; close enough for Kiefer to grab his shotgun; and yes, but he's too stupid to actually shoot Kiefer. Even as Kiefer disarms the shotgun-wielding proprietor, and orders the other guy to drop his weapon. Seems to me like it would have been safer for Kiefer to maybe hold his badge up to the shotgun hole, but that wouldn't make for very interesting TV, I guess.
The store secured, Kiefer yells out to Grayadder, "Get in here." Grayadder hauls himself to his feet and obeys. Kiefer tells him to pick up the other gun, and he obeys that as well, holding the gun steady on the two dark-skinned store owners with his good hand. Nice to see that Grayadder didn't miss out on being blessed with the healing speed that is only enjoyed by 24 characters and vampire slayers. Kiefer introduces himself and shows his badge. "I am a federal agent," he repeats. One of the guys bitches about the looting. I'm really trying not to draw a comparison between these guys and another famous pair of TV shopkeepers of South Asian extraction, because those gentlemen were immigrants from Bangladesh and weren't brothers and had accents, but if you can come up with better names for these two guys than Sirajunior and Mujibro, be my guest. Anyway, they look less like brothers than Kiefer and I do. Kiefer asks them whether there are any more rifles in the store, and they lead him towards the counter. "We're the first to be hit because everyone knows we're Arabs," one says. "We're good citizens! We had nothing to do with this! The American Muslim community stands firmly beside their fellow Americans in denouncing and resisting all forms of terrorism!" The other just asks Kiefer to leave them two guns for when the looters come back. Kiefer lowers his weapon and starts shopping at 7:19:39. Grayadder continues to cover them, propping the gun across his shattered hand. Mujibro asks Kiefer what they're doing there in the first place, and Kiefer explains that the bad guys who triggered the blackout are after them, and explains that the pulse bomb "destroys all electrical activity within an eight-mile radius." How does he know about the eight-mile radius? Are all pulse bombs the same size? Mujibro says, "So everything that's happened to us tonight -- the looting, the blackout -- it's all because of the terrorists? We're part of the American Muslim community, and, as such, we stand beside our fellow Americans in denouncing and resisting all forms of terrorism." Kiefer confirms it, and says that the "evidence I have can prevent further attacks from happening." Grayadder reminds Kiefer that maybe this isn't the best time for exposition, what with the commandos on their way. Kiefer tells Mujibro and Sirajunior that they should leave, since it's going to get pretty dangerous. Mujibro and Sirajunior try to refuse, but Kiefer says that since they have weapons and shelter, he and Grayadder don't have anyplace else to go. Mujibro and Sirajunior ponder that for a second, until Mujibro says, "Can I talk to my brother for a minute? As members of the American Muslim community, we need to discuss to what extent we wish to stand beside our fellow Americans in denouncing and resisting all forms of terrorism." Kiefer tells them to stay where he can see them, and they withdraw.