Episode Report Card Gustave: A- | 226 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT The final hour
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 24 | Aired on 2002.05.21
Go see Windtalkers on June 14th, and don't you dare make "windtalking" jokes, because this is a serious movie, man -- it's about how Nicholas Cage learns that Native American languages can be used as military code, and therefore it's important to respect and feel lots of sympathy for Native Americans. It rilly rilly is. Bachelorettes in Alaska. Wow. Fox again proves that people can mate in observable captivity.
The time is 11:17:11. Klockwise from the top left, Kiefer keeps watching the Scooby Docks, Nina makes a phone call, and Bride waits in the Konfrontational Koffee room. It turns out that Nina -- or should I say Yelena -- is making a call to FATB. She informs him -- sans scary Eastern European accent -- that Spawn is alive and being brought into CTU, and that two tactical teams are on their way to the Scooby Docks. FATB puts Nina on hold and pleads with TerrorPoppa to let them all retreat from the Scooby Docks since Kiefer probably isn't coming. TerrorPoppa gets on the phone with Nina and tells her to tell Kiefer that Spawn's body "vas found floating in zee harboor." They expect Kiefer to come at the Drazens if he thinks his daughter is dead. "You have to kill him," says Nina. "No mistakes. If he finds out I've lied to him, my cover will be blown." TerrorPoppa assures her that everything will go smoothly. Nina hangs up, then kalls Kiefer to tell him that Spawn is dead and that the Coast Guard found her body. Kiefer slams down the phone, crouches to the ground, and kries. But it's not just a few manly tears. It's a full-body cry. They go to two commercial breaks in the meantime and he's still crying. He makes sweet agonizing love to the poured concrete wall behind him like he's Martha Graham with a Noguchi sculpture. Can we get a shot of his wedding ring? Thanks. How 'bout some of that freaky choral music from Episode 16? Excellent. The grief turns to rage. He gets up, goes to the SeasonFinaleKiefMobile, takes out another gun -- how much ammo did they give him? -- and breaks into a nearby parked van.