Episode Report Card Keckler: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Flight Of The Simulator
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.03.2004
Let's talk citrus. Friday night, Dr. Mathra and I ventured to Berkeley Bowl, which has, like, fifty million different varieties of everything, but of citrus? In February? In California? They have fifty million and one. I came away with one of three possible kinds of Blood Oranges, Palestine Sweet Limes, Meyer Lemons, and regular lemons. Meyer Lemons are infinitely sweeter, almost orange in rindal hue, bigger, and generally more sought-after than any other lemon. You haven't heard of them, have you? Well, they taste like lemons crossed with tangerines, and they're awesome. I've known Palestine Sweet Limes to be Sweet Jerusalem Limes, but I guess they're being P.C. or something. After all, it is Berkeley. BB had regular limes as well -- I'm not sure if they are Rangepur Limes, which are supposed to be in season now -- but they were fucking HUGE! Dr. Mathra thought they were apples -- that's how monster they were. BB's produce department goes for miles and miles and there was stuff in bins, racks, and tubs I've never even heard of before. I also picked up some stalks of garlic. What's green garlic, you might ask? Well, it looks uncannily like scallions that injected fat from their lips into their ass, and they taste like a clove of garlic got a chive drunk on dirtinis and brought forth smelly progeny. They're yum. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do with all this stuff, but I have a confession to make: after I bought the blood oranges, I went for two filets of Pacific King Salmon. See, this cheesy Turning Leaf wine commercial got in my head and won't go away. It's the one where the guy is making his girl a surprise dinner on the terrace, and it looks like he makes a sauce for salmon out of blood oranges and other stuff. Turning Leaf wine is the nast, but I've been dying to reenact that commercial. Not the terrace and the cheese and the bad hair -- just the dish.
Some time later, Quantum is neatening up the love nest, and pulls out a bottle of something special. He offers to get Degra drunk on the Cell Bloque Champain Reserve Vintage 2305. Degra refuses, Quantum swigs. Degra doesn't understand how a Xindi and human could put aside their differences so quickly. Quantum laughs and explains that they spent the first part of their affair to remember trying to kill each other. He spins some skein about the Bug House guards laying bets as to who would die first, and how he suddenly found enlightenment when he was in the infirmary getting a prescription for Ortho-Trilithium. He says he asked himself, "What...was the POINT?" Quantum punctuates this line with head wagglings. He gets up and looks out the window.