Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Chris-Mas
By Couch Baron | Season 2 | Episode 4 | Aired on 08.02.1998
Gloria takes Ryan back to the ward. They make googly eyes at each other again. Later, Ryan's looking through a Viewfinder when Gloria comes to see him. She stares at him so long that you can practically hear the director motioning frantically at Lauren Velez to speed it up, already. She asks how he's feeling, and he says that he's fine physically, but ever since he took that bus ride to his surgery, he's been thinking about all the things he can't do in prison. Gloria sits down on the bed and asks him for an example, and she resembles nothing more than a big floppy trout caught on the hook of Ryan's charms. Ryan tells her that he misses affection, and reminisces about the affection she showed him when he was lying on the surgeon's table. Gloria looks perplexed, probably because she can't figure out a way to close this deal without getting caught. Ryan eventually leans in and says he wants to touch her and kiss her. After a pause lengthy enough to allow plastic to biodegrade, she tells him, "Don't." She leaves...
...and enters the staff room. She gets some coffee and tries to collect herself, but Pete's voice cuts in from her side. Gloria jumpily greets her, and Pete asks what's wrong. Gloria babbles how in med school, they taught her that doctors don't show emotion, and they don't get involved with patients. Pete asks her which patient, and Gloria tells her. Pete: "Why him?" Uh, Pete? Time to get the bifocals checked, I think. Gloria says that he's handsome and charming, but Pete brings up his breast cancer, and Gloria admits that her mom, her aunt, and her sister had breast cancer, and that she knows what he's going through. I'm not denying that Gloria's feelings here are complex, but two things: One, I don't think what Ryan's going through here is particularly similar, particularly psychologically, to what a woman with breast cancer goes through, and I don't think it's particularly fair to imply that it is. And second, in my opinion, Gloria, the main reason you're attracted to him is that you think he's hotter than three-alarm chili, and while I'm with you there, let's be honest about it. Anyway, Pete counsels Gloria to do whatever she can to get rid of her feelings for Ryan, "because unless you do, you're gonna have trouble." No fool, that Sister Pete. Although she'll be in Gloria's shoes later in the series. And speaking of which, where the hell is Keller?
Gloria examines Ryan's chest. Yeah, that's taking Pete's advice to heart. He tells her to kiss him, but she resists. Ryan: "You know what I know, and you feel what I feel." It's the Ryan Mind Meld! I knew he had special powers. He grabs her head and plants one on her. Not cool, Ryan. I love your Machiavellian exploits, but physically forcing a woman is gross and beneath you. Gloria calls over an officer and tells him to take Ryan back to Em City. How are you going to explain that one to McManus, Gloria? Then again, who cares? Later, Ryan jerks off in bed. Covers on again, sadly. Hill sings. Why me?