|
5-24 2006.05.24 |
The Princess & The Basket Case The Criminal Brittenum Twins, Ayla the Jock, and Nadia Turner the Brain all steer clear as yet another pointless winner is crowned after two hours of truly frightening behavior by celebrities, personalities, and the Idols in between. |
| 5-24 Recap |
The Princess & The Basket Case
The Idol We Deserve, Part II - The Criminal Brittenum Twins, Ayla the Jock, and Nadia Turner the Brain all steer clear as yet another pointless winner is crowned after two hours of truly frightening behavior by celebrities, personalities, and the Idols in between. |
2006.05.24 2006.05.30 |
B+ |
Jacob |
| 5-23 Recap |
Hate accompli
The Idol We Deserve, Part I - Taylor's winning this mother, but first we have to go through the motions of the final performance episode. Kat sings of destiny (entitled bitch), while Taylor asks nicely for our approval. That's the kind of Idol everyone can enjoy! |
2006.05.23 2006.05.29 |
C+ |
Joe R |
| 5-22 Recap |
The Man Who Cried
Top Three -- It's a Cliiiive! - Weeping and jittery Elliott Yamin came into our living rooms, and weeping and jittery he makes his exit. Three songs apiece add up to a razor-thin vote margin. Meanwhile, the visits home reveal that every day is Idol Name Here Day. |
2006.05.16 2006.05.21 |
B- |
Joe R |
| 5-21 Recap |
Black Velvet Inability To Smile
Top 4 -- The King Is Gone (So Are You) - Actual shocking eliminations are rare with this show, but this week's a freakout! Chris goes home after Katharine's worst night by far, even though he's been touted as the Chosen One ever since we lost whomever the last supposed Chosen One was. |
2006.05.09 2006.05.15 |
A |
Jacob |
| 5-20 Recap |
Something In The Way This Is Stupid
Top 5 -- Something In The Way This Is Stupid - Paris goes home after a double-theme night in which most people try to sing songs from the year of their birth, and some people want to sing songs from the charts, but some people don't, and much explanations are made. |
2006.05.02 2006.05.08 |
A |
Jacob |
| 5-19 Recap |
"What's a 'Swan Song'?"
Top 6 -- Snoozy's Snooze for Love - Classic love songs aren't afraid to bring the boring, the judges issue a retraction once they realize America hates them, and Kellie is sent away to eat calamari among the barefoot Appalachians of TV stereotype. |
2006.04.25 2006.05.01 |
C+ |
Joe R |
| 5-18 Recap |
When You Say "That's All" -- Can I Get That In Writing?
Top 7 -- Paula, I Think I've Got Something To Say To You - Rod Stewart drops by for the attack of the Great American Songbook, leaving only Bambi-eyed roadkill in its wake. |
2006.04.18 2006.04.21 |
A+ |
Jacob |
| 5-17 Recap |
Garble, Garble, Hey!
Top 8 -- Another One Bites the Dust - If it's any consolation to Bucky, I'm sure he'd have been voted off even if we could understand what he was saying. Come for the Queen, stay for the amped-up stage drama of Paris, Kat, and Kellie. |
2006.04.11 2006.04.17 |
B+ |
Joe R |
| 5-16 Recap |
Top Nine: You Botoxed Kenny! You Bastards!
Top Nine: You Botoxed Kenny! You Bastards! - After a world of suck, Mandisa goes down. |
2006.04.04 2006.04.10 |
C+ |
Jacob |
| 5-15 Recap |
Tuck Nipped
Top 10 -- Not a Great Song Choice, Dude - Not even Kelly Clarkson herself can save Lisa from her inevitable elimination. The rest of the top ten certainly do their best to give her a sporting chance, though. Your addiction, lifestyle, or situation may be big, but read the recap anyway. |
2006.03.28 2006.04.03 |
C- |
Joe R |
| 5-14 Recap |
Too Chicken Little, Too Chicken Late
Top 11 -- Looks Like He Didn't Make It - Barry Manilow knows what ails the final eleven and how to fix it. Unfixable? Chris's Creed addiction, Taylor's personality, Kellie's rouge attack, and Kevin's cosmic displacement. |
2006.03.21 2006.03.26 |
B+ |
Joe R |
| 5-13 Recap |
Bull On Parade
Top 12 -- And Stevie Wonders, "Why?" - The Top 12 starts with less of a bang and more of a whimper as the kids bore their way through some classic Stevie Wonder tunes. Katharine, Bucky, Mandisa, and Chris are great, of course, and then Melissa finally goes home. "Who?" I know, right? |
2006.03.14 2006.03.20 |
C |
Jacob |
| 5-12 Recap |
Don't Raise Your Eye
They're All Wasted! - It's teenage wasteland as Ayla, Will, and Gedeon (along with den mother Kinnik) fall by the wayside, leaving us with our final twelve. Bucky's a twin, Kellie's a mink, and Bo Bice is a pretty, pretty lady. |
2006.03.07 2006.03.13 |
B- |
Joe R |
| 5-11 Recap |
...Love, Rupert Murdoch, Part III
...Love, Rupert Murdoch, Part III - David the fake Dino, Sway the tiny throat-singing Wonderkiller, Brenna the fake diva, and Heather the Hooter's girl all go home. Still around? Kevin Covais, Taylor Hicks, and Paula Abdul's complete lack of a drinking or drug problem. |
2006.03.02 2006.03.08 |
A+ |
Jacob |
| 5-10 Recap |
…Love, Rupert Murdoch, Part II
…Love, Rupert Murdoch, Part II - Ace flirts with Paula, Will flirts with hilarity, Chris flirts with awesomeness, and David flirts with the cold embrace of the crypt. Ryan flirts with danger, not once, not twice, but thrice. |
2006.03.01 2006.03.06 |
B+ |
Joe R |
| 5-9 Recap |
...Love, Rupert Murdoch, Part I
...Love, Rupert Murdoch, Part I - Kellie, Ayla, and Mandisa perform. And apparently some other people too, but we don't actually remember that much. It was very long, and Paula got upset, and it was kind of a blur. Dogjaw! |
2006.02.28 2006.03.05 |
B- |
Jacob |
| 5-8 Recap |
Suck It, Sasha Cohen! Part III
Semifinals, Week 1: The Results - Twenty-four get reduced to twenty, with boredom, poor decision-making, badly overmatched talent, and Maxim being to blame. |
2006.02.23 2006.02.28 |
C |
Joe R |
| 5-7 Recap |
Suck It, Sasha Cohen! Part II
Semifinals, Week 1: The Boys - A squealing pimp, three tiny children, two maniacal social burdens, a homeless burnout, a pedophile, a muffler technologist, a carnie, a diabetic, and somebody so boring we forgot him, all perform. Only ten will make it through, but the real story is the intense flare-ups of the ongoing Simon/Ryan horror-romance. |
2006.02.22 2006.02.27 |
B |
Jacob |
| 5-6 Recap |
Suck It, Sasha Cohen! Part I
Semifinals, Week 1: The Girls - The top twelve women sing songs of their own choosing. Clearly, choosing is not for everyone, Heather and Brenna. |
2006.02.21 2006.02.26 |
B |
Joe R |
| 5-5 Recap |
Hollydidn't
Hollydidn't, Paulashouldn't - The Top 99 become the Top 44, and finally we meet the Top 24, heading into semifinals next week. |
2006.02.14 2006.02.20 |
C+ |
Jacob |
| 5-4 Recap |
Hollywouldn't
Hollywouldn't - The split-second nature of the Hollywood performances leaves plenty of room for sightseeing excursions. Not so starved for screen time in Boston include a Cher impersonator and a Clay impersonator. Yay? |
2006.02.07 2006.02.11 |
C+ |
Joe R |
| 5-3 Recap |
Bo Bice is the New Clay Aiken, Part III
Bo Bice is the New Clay Aiken, Part III - Las Vegas and fake Austin bring us the penultimate and antepenultimate audition rounds, which prove to be at least twice as boring as what's come before. At least it's nearly over. |
2006.01.31 2006.02.06 |
D |
Jacob |
| 5-2 Recap |
Bo Bice is the New Clay Aiken, Part II
Bo Bice is the New Clay Aiken, Part II - Greensboro and San Francisco offer the usual mix of the pretty talented and the deeply delusional. The judges squabble, with varying degrees of authenticity. And Simon walks out. Gasp! |
2006.01.24 2006.01.29 |
B |
Joe R |
| 5-1 Recap |
Bo Bice Is The New Clay Aiken, Part I
Bo Bice Is The New Clay Aiken, Part I - Rockers abound as auditions in Chicago and Denver yield several really troubling individuals, as per usual, and only slight glimpses of the first-round winners. As per usual. Don't cry out loud. |
2006.01.17 2006.01.22 |
B+ |
Jacob |
| 4-20 Recap |
God Bless the Broken Show That Brought Her Here To Us
Skeptacular! Skeptacular! Part II - After an amount of padding rivaling that used for postal delivery of medical samples, every second of which we expected but did not fully comprehend, we finally come limping to the conclusion of AI's fourth season. It's Bo Bice against Carrie Underwood, and only Simon knows who will take it. Well, Simon and everyone else on earth except the show's recapper, apparently. Congratulations to Carrie Underwood: one day she'll be a real girl. |
2005.05.25 2005.06.01 |
B |
Jacob |
| 4-19 Recap |
Some People Wait A Lifetime For Something To Happen
Skeptacular! Skeptacular! Part I - Carrie and Bo each sing the Coronation Single, "Inside You're Just Begging For A Dirty Joke Title"; their B-sides, which have also been written for the show; and their favorite songs from the season. Not ours, I stress, but theirs. With Bo, that leads us to "Vehicle," which is great, but of course Carrie can't resist that Martina McBride song she loves so much, and thus sings three boring songs relatively well, assuring her a victory. Oh, and they both have Ebola or something. |
2005.05.24 2005.05.30 |
B- |
Jacob |
| 4-18 Recap |
Goodbye Baby V
The Girl Who Was Good At Singing Disco Songs - All previous futile attempts at thematic consistency aside, this week we get a grab bag of hell, a new kind of road trip that starts in Air Supply, OK, winds through the Badlands and Roy Orbisonia, takes a quick run through the era of Disco, and finally ends at the center of the universe of cred. Then Vonzell goes home, and everybody passes out from shock. |
2005.05.18 2005.05.23 |
B |
Jacob |
| 4-17 Recap |
For The Love Of Money (And Vonzell's Daddy)
Hope You Find A Lot Of Nice Things To Wear - A musical "road trip" from Nashville to Philadelphia inspires A-Fed's elimination, Vonzell's total onstage breakdown and subsequent rally and conquest, Carrie's best week yet artistically but worst week yet critically, and in-depth soul-searching about the two sides of Bo's whole deal. |
2005.05.11 2005.05.16 |
B- |
Jacob |
| 4-16 Recap |
Don't Talk Back
The Glitter Rubs Right Off - Our Top Five two songs, one old and one new, none interesting, and Scott is dangerously confused about his place in all this, and goes home. Meanwhile, somebody slept with Corey Clark, which is horrible enough, but you'll never guess who it was. Unless you don't live under a rock, and then probably you already know. It's dumb, and John Quinones goes to the special Geraldo Hell for sure now. |
2005.05.04 2005.05.09 |
A+ |
Jacob |
| 4-15 Recap |
Rock & Roll Suicide
I've Lost My Home To Thieves - Constantine takes a header in a most spectacular way, Bo continues to sell himself hardcore short, Scott is horrible some more, and Carrie, Vonzell, and Anthony are very nice people. Bonus: Simon loves people, and Paula hates fun. |
2005.04.27 2005.05.02 |
B- |
Jacob |